The War Is Over
by MariahajilE
Summary: Lies. Betrayal. Pain. A story of finally getting what you want and hurting everyone in the process. AH, ExB, ExA, AxBen. M for language and lemons.
1. Chapter 1

**First post-C, CD fic. First Twi fic. First drabble. Please be gentle.**

**Thank you to EBT for pre-reading and holding my hand.**

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><p>You put your hand on my stomach and lean against me. For some reason, it makes everything feel so much better. So full. So much more intimate.<p>

I know it's not, though.

You lean over a little and start moving faster, harder. You're really fucking me. It feels good. It feels like hell.

I can barely keep my eyes open as I feel it building. I moan, though not too loudly. What if someone heard?

As I come, I can only say your name…

"Edward."


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>"We can't do this again."<p>

I've said it before. It doesn't make a difference.

You pull your pants back on and sit on the edge of the bed. I face away from you as I put a shirt on.

It's the same routine.

I feel so much older than I really am. All the sneaking, all the lies.

When did I become this person?

"She's expecting me. I gotta go," you say.

You always do. Always back to her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>This wasn't the first time. I doubt it'll be our last.<p>

What the fuck are we doing? Who the hell are we to do what we're doing?

She's my best friend. You're her boyfriend. She trusts us. She trusts us with her heart, with everything.

And we're doing this?

I blink rapidly, hoping to keep the tears away. I don't want you to know I'm crying. I don't know what you'll do.

I want to know. But I don't want to know.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>You get up from the bed.<p>

We're at your house this time. She thinks you're doing homework. She thinks I'm babysitting.

This is when I usually start to really let everything we've just done sink in. The betrayal. The lying. The pain.

You don't say anything as I get dressed. I grab my flats and start walking out the door, tip-toeing in case somebody came home and ready to play my part in case someone did.

"Hey."

I stop dead in my tracks. You've never said anything before. I always just leave.

"We can't tell her."

I sigh.

"You think I don't know that?" I whisper. "But I mean it. We can't do this again."

I almost mean it, but I'm too in love with you to actually stop.

"Bye, Edward."

"Bye, Angela."


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>I didn't start out being this person. I wasn't always like this. Bella and I have been best friends since she moved here two years ago. She was quiet, like me. Then she met you and came out of her shell.<p>

She instantly fell in love with you.

Could I blame her? No.

Because I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember.

I always hoped you would see me as more, but you never did. We weren't quite friends, but we were more than acquaintances.

You were nice, sweet. You stood up for me when we were twelve and James thought it'd be funny to trip me in the cafeteria. You were almost suspended for pushing him into a table. Instead, you got a month's worth of detention.

You were my knight in shining armor.

And then Bella happened.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>Bella and I hit it off really well. When you two started dating, I thought she might leave me behind. But Bella's better than that.<p>

She's definitely better than the both of us.

Whether it was a party, a school game, or just hanging out, I was always invited. She never made me feel like a third wheel.

And even though I knew it was wrong, I was happy to just be that close to you.

Of course I didn't tell her how I felt about you. Had I told her, she would've never said yes when you asked her out. I wasn't going to be the one to stand in her way.

I'm her best friend.

I'm her best friend.

I'm her best friend.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>She left for Arizona for a month to see her mom the summer after she moved to Forks. She was excited but said she would miss us. And Charlie, of course.<p>

We said our goodbyes at her house and watched as Charlie drove off, making the trip to Seattle so she could catch her flight.

You drove me home and reminded me that we had that report due in two weeks.

A summer AP Biology course for college credit. That's how this entire mess began. It makes me laugh.

Bella called me when Charlie left her at the airport. She sounded so happy when she told me that you two had finally slept together.

You were her first. She wasn't yours.

Jessica. Stupid bitch.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>We finished our report. It was great. We had worked really hard on it and gotten an A. You wanted to celebrate. I wanted to go home and think about the time we got to spend together.<p>

Just the two of us.

But you called and said you were picking me up to go Emmett's party.

I was shocked. Sure, we were friends, but we'd never been social without Bella there.

"We deserve this," you'd said.

So I decided to go.

My parents and brothers were in Portland visiting relatives. No curfew.

I didn't wear anything special, just jeans and a shirt. I wasn't going to impress anybody. Nobody that would notice, anyway.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>Emmett's party was crowded. Kids were loud. Music was blaring. It wasn't my first party, but Bella wasn't there to act as a buffer.<p>

I was nervous.

So when Emmett shoved a red cup in my hand full of something that smelled fruity, I drank it. And another. And another.

I felt great, on top of the world. I talked to people on my own. I never did that. I don't even do that now.

"Are you okay?" you smiled, laughing.

"Great."


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>"But I don't wanna go."<p>

I didn't. I wanted another drink. And Ben was smiling at me. I could kiss him. I'd let him put his hand under my shirt.

He could help me forget you.

"I know you don't, but you'll regret it if you have another drink."

I said bye to all the new friends I'd made. I smiled at Ben. He looked cuter than usual.

I walked into the coffee table on my way out.

"Ow."

You made sure I was okay and then led me out to your car.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks be to EBT and RoseArcadia.**

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><p>"You okay to get home, man?"<p>

Emmett.

"I'm fine."

I knew you weren't. I watched as you had more than a couple of drinks.

"I have to get her home."

You opened the car door, and I slipped in the back, lying down. I wanted to sleep.

"It's comfortable back here."

You laughed.

The next thing I knew, you were waking me up.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thanks be to EBT and RoseArcadia.**

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><p>"Angela. Angela! We're here."<p>

"But you didn't drive."

"Yes, I did," you laughed.

I felt your hands take mine and try to pull me up. You muttered something about dead weight.

You tried it again and lost your footing. You landed on me.

It was quiet.

I looked at you. You looked at me.


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks be to EBT and RoseArcadia.**

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><p>You started to look away, and I didn't like it.<p>

Maybe it was all those years of wanting you. Maybe it was watching you be amazing with Bella.

It was probably the alcohol.

I grabbed your face and pulled you down. I kissed you. Hard.

You didn't do anything. I pulled away, closed my eyes.

I felt stupid. What the hell had I been thinking?

And then I heard the car door close.


	14. Chapter 14

**Thanks be to EBT and RoseArcadia.**

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><p>Your hands grabbed my legs, pulling me so I was directly underneath you. Then you were on top of me.<p>

You kissed me.

I could taste the beer. I wondered what I tasted like to you.

And then your hand was on my left breast. You squeezed. Your tongue was in my mouth.

It was too much. It wasn't enough.

Your hand moved to the bottom of my shirt. You pushed it up. You sat back and looked.

I was panting. The kissing, the… more. I couldn't catch my breath.

You put both your hands on me, squeezing me through my bra. And then you pulled the cups down. It wasn't cold, but my nipples were hard.

You squeezed, pinched. You licked your lips.


	15. Chapter 15

**Thanks be to EBT and RoseArcadia.**

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><p>My hands went to your hair, pulling and scratching your scalp as your mouth wrapped around my nipple.<p>

You flicked it. You sucked it. You bit it.

My mind was so foggy.

I knew that it shouldn't be happening, but I didn't stop it.

I didn't want to stop it.

My legs went around your waist. One of your hands moved down the front of my body, eventually making its way around to my ass. You grabbed it roughly and grunted as you thrust, making me moan when you rubbed against my pussy.

You moved your hand back to the front of my body and undid the button on my pants.


	16. Chapter 16

**Thanks be to EBT and RoseArcadia.**

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><p>I clawed at your back as your hand made its way in. You rubbed me over my panties and circled my clit, making me pant even harder.<p>

"Fuck… Fuck me," I whispered.

You stopped for a split second, and before I could clear my mind and realize what I'd said, you sat back and tugged at my jeans, pulling them until they were off.

You stared but didn't look me in the eyes, and I watched as yours widened when I hooked my fingers into my panties and pulled them down.

Your eyes flashed to mine before they were back on my pussy.


	17. Chapter 17

**Thanks be to EBT and RoseArcadia.**

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><p>I was so wet, needy. I thought that I was going to explode if I didn't have you on me somehow.<p>

I grabbed your face again and pulled you down, licking your lips. You adjusted us so we were a little more comfortable. One hand held you up while the other stroked me, feeling how wet I was, how much I wanted you.

And then it was gone. But I heard the buttons of your pants pop open.

My heart started thundering.

I watched as you undid them and then moved your pants down just enough.

Before I knew it, I felt the head of your dick moving up and down my slit.

But I wanted to see it.

Touch it.

Taste it.

And then you were inside me.


	18. Chapter 18

**Thanks be to EBT and RoseArcadia.**

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><p>You grunted into my neck as you pushed your way in. I clawed at the headrest to my left.<p>

You felt so good, _so_ fucking good. It was better than I'd imagined. Better than when I touched myself and thought of you.

But you didn't move. You were so still. I needed you to move. I needed you to fuck me.

So I moved my leg, setting my foot on the front passenger's side seat, opening myself up to you.

You mumbled something, but I couldn't make out what you said. Instead of asking you, I simply pushed my hips against you.

"Jesus fuck," you said and then bit down on my neck.

But then you pulled out.


	19. Chapter 19

**Thanks be to EBT and RoseArcadia.**

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><p>I thought you were coming to your senses, realizing how far things had gone. It wasn't right by any means. I knew that. I just didn't know if I cared at the moment.<p>

But then you thrust back into me, making me moan so fucking loud, and I knew that Bella wasn't on your mind.

At least I hoped she wasn't.

But as you started to pull out and push back in, harder and faster with each thrust, I didn't care.

I had you inside me, and you were grunting and pulling my hair and making me scream.


	20. Chapter 20

**Thanks be to EBT and RoseArcadia.**

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><p>It was the greatest and worst feeling to have you fuck me the way you did that night. I never wanted it to end, but my guilty conscience reminded me that I knew better.<p>

I opened my eyes and stared at the roof of your car. I tried to catch my breath, but I knew I was about to come.

All I could hear were your grunts, my pants, and the sound of you smacking into me.

In that second, I allowed myself that moment. You, me, the sounds in the car.

"Make me come, Edward," I whispered.


	21. Chapter 21

**Thanks be to EBT and RoseArcadia.**

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><p>Suddenly, you took one of my hands in yours and moved it between us. You put my fingers on my clit, and moved them around as you continued to move in and out of me.<p>

That lasted all of three seconds before I came. My back arched. My mouth opened. No sound came out, but I could hear it all in my head.

I could feel myself squeeze your dick.

"Fuck!"

Thrust.

"Fuck!"

Moan.

Thrust.

"Fuck!"

And then you were coming.


	22. Chapter 22

**Thanks be to EBT and RoseArcadia.**

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><p>Except for your heavy panting, you were still as you lay on top of me.<p>

I wanted to run my hands through your sweaty hair. Kiss your mouth. Bite your earlobe.

Love you.

But I stayed still. I knew we wouldn't have the bubble for long, and I wanted to stay inside of it as long as possible. If I moved, I would've startled you back into reality, and I didn't want that.

Not yet.

I just wanted you for a few more minutes. Because I knew you were going to realize what you'd just done. You'd remember Bella. You'd remember that you loved her. You'd remember that I'm just Angela, Bella's best friend.

And you'd leave me to deal with this on my own.


	23. Chapter 23

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>It's amazing how fear, guilt, and confusion can work at instantly sobering a person up.<p>

Because you were quiet when you pulled out of me.

You were quiet as we put our clothes back on.

And you were quiet as we sat next to each other, not touching or looking at one another.

I don't know exactly what I expected from you then, but it certainly wasn't silence.

As you drove away and I stood there, holding on to myself and who I used to be, what had just happened slapped me in the face, and I thought of Bella.

I barely made it inside and to the bathroom before I threw up.


	24. Chapter 24

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>That was when I started to hate myself.<p>

Because I, Angela Weber, was not the type of person who slept with her best friend's boyfriend.

I was a pastor's daughter, quiet, unnoticed, a straight A student. I was a good person.

Was.

Was.

Was.

I cried myself to sleep that night.

And I cried in the shower the next morning.

And I sobbed as I drove to Port Angeles, hoping nobody would recognize me as I got the morning-after pill.


	25. Chapter 25

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>Despite being partners, you didn't look or speak to me that last week of summer school. Then again, I couldn't even look at myself, so it was understandable.<p>

But it didn't make me want you any less.

And I felt like the worst human being for it.

I did the one thing a best friend's never supposed to do, and I wanted to do it again. And again.

I wanted to feel you inside me and listen to made-up words about how you thought I was beautiful and how you'd always wanted me. I wanted your hands to touch me and hold me and love me.

I wanted you to do the one thing a boyfriend's never supposed to do.

I wanted you to break up with your girlfriend to be with her best friend.


	26. Chapter 26

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>But I didn't get any of that.<p>

And I had to remind myself of that as we drove to Seattle to pick up Bella.

As I thought about all of the excuses I used and didn't use to get out of making the trip, you drove, refusing to look at me and pretending to listen to the radio.

I stared out the window, wondering and scared, full of guilt and shame.

"She can't find out," you blurted out. "It was a mistake. We were both drunk. That's all it was."

I nodded quickly.

"Do you hear me, Angela?"

"Yes," I said.

And I went back to looking at the trees outside my window, crying and quiet.


	27. Chapter 27

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>Senior year of high school.<p>

It was new but the same. New year. Same people. New classes. Same routine.

You and Bella were the "It" couple. You were happy, loving, and popular.

I went back to being me: Bella's best friend, first at the lunch table, and English tutor.

But I spent less time with her and, by default, you, because I couldn't deal with the hand-holding, the hallways kisses, the smiles on both your faces.

The guilt.

I made up excuses about having to study or babysit my brothers or helping dad out at church.

But no matter how much I tried, I couldn't get rid of the pain.

Or the memories of that night.


	28. Chapter 28

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>Bella's eighteenth birthday. Party at your house. It's bigger than hers, and your parents wanted to do it. Because they love Bella.<p>

Everyone was there, and I played my role as the best friend, apologizing for not being around much, but happy to give her my present and smile for the camera.

And then I caught you looking at me.

It was quick, but it happened. And it made me tense.

Because it was the first time in over two months that you'd voluntarily looked at me.

I wondered why you did it.

And I found out the following month after my own eighteenth birthday party. You gave me my present after everyone had left.

You made me come twice when you went down on me.


	29. Chapter 29

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>I'm not an idiot. I know what we were doing then ‒ what we're doing now ‒ was wrong and fucked up in every sense of the word.<p>

Maybe I could've understood my actions the first time. But it was that second time…

That second time changed everything.

Because that was when I knew we were in for a world of hurt.

And Bella?

She'll never forgive us.

She'll never forget.

Even still, I needed to be responsible in this irresponsible situation.

So, I went on the pill.


	30. Chapter 30

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>The following month was strange. I felt like a ticking time bomb.<p>

While waiting the thirty days for the pills to take effect, my dignity and self-respect disappeared.

But the anticipation of possibly being with you again? It was almost choking.

Suffocating.

I thought about not taking the pills. I thought about not taking them and telling you to fuck off.

I thought about telling Bella.

But I didn't.

Because my heart kept overruling my head.


	31. Chapter 31

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>"I don't– I don't wanna do this," I whispered.<p>

I watched as your eyes got a little bigger before I looked away.

If I had looked at you any longer, I would've given in.

Easily. Quickly. Without a second thought.

"We've already fucked everything up as it is. We're only going to make things worse."

My voice sounded scared, child-like. The way it normally does.

Only when you're making me come am I loud and demanding and quick to say what I need.

"We have to think of Bella," I said, crying.


	32. Chapter 32

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>"She says you're happy," I cried. "This'll kill her, Edward. <em>Kill<em> her. She loves you so much."

_So do I, but that doesn't matter._

You ran your hand through your hair. Other than that, you were as still as stone as you sat in your desk.

As I stared at you from across the room, leaning against the chalkboard, finally feeling that little bit of courage to tell you what I both did and didn't want, I felt so lost.

Conflicted.

I still do.

"Do you love her?"

"Yes."

No hesitation.

"Then what the fuck are we doing?"

"I don't know," you said, shaking your head. "I don't know."


	33. Chapter 33

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>I stayed away from you as much as I could.<p>

Thanksgiving.

Christmas.

New Year's.

Anytime Bella invited me out with you two, I lied my way out of it.

But I was setting myself up for failure.

Because I didn't tell Bella the truth.

Because I didn't stop feeling what I feel for you.

Because I didn't stop taking the birth control pills.


	34. Chapter 34

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>Student council.<p>

It was Bella's idea last year. You would secure the popular vote while I would bring in the academics.

We won by a landslide.

We managed to get out of having to work together all of first semester, letting the Juniors deal with Homecoming. But when we returned for the spring semester, we were responsible for prom.

I had to pretend like nothing had happened between us.

That I didn't know what it was like to have you between my legs. Feel you inside me. Hear your moans. Feel your breath on my body. Know the things you did to my pussy with your tongue.

Because the Angela everyone knows would never know such things.


	35. Chapter 35

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>"I'll check and see if we have enough in our budget to cover the DJ," I said, writing in my notebook.<p>

"Okay."

"I'll check in with Mrs. Cope about the food order."

"Okay."

"And I'll make sure Eric orders the decorations by the deadline."

I continued to make notes, keeping my head down and refusing to look at you.

Because we were alone. Bad things always happen when we're alone.

"Did you really sleep with Eric?"


	36. Chapter 36

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>"Excuse me?"<p>

I stared at you, wondering what the hell was running through your mind.

"Nevermind," you replied, shaking your head.

We sat there. It was quiet, but my thoughts were loud.

Bella was the only person who knew I'd lost my virginity to Eric when I was fifteen.

"She told you?"

You nodded.

"I never liked him," you said, staring right at me.

I felt my defenses and every logical reason why I was staying away from you fade away.

So I gathered my things and walked out.


	37. Chapter 37

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>That was the last time you and I spoke unnecessarily.<p>

I tried going back to avoiding you, but I ran out of excuses to use with Bella.

We were normal in front of her, focused in Calculus, and the perfect representatives in student council.

Every moment I was with you was worse than when I wasn't.

Because you were _that_ close. Close enough for me to give in, to further ruin my friendship with Bella.

I spent most of my alone time crying, trying to figure out how I had gotten myself into this mess.

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><p><strong>Thank you for continuing to come back. :)<strong>

**One more today.**


	38. Chapter 38

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>Valentine's Day.<p>

I watched as you held Bella's hand, kissed her nose, played with her hair.

You gave her a rose. It made her smile.

It made me die a little on the inside.

You looked up and caught my stare.

I saw you squeeze Bella's hand, pull her closer to you.

You anchored yourself to her.

I turned and walked the other way.

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><p><strong>I probably have as much of an issue with Valentine's Day as Angela does.<strong>

**Thanks for stopping by. Hasta manana. :D**


	39. Chapter 39

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>More student council.<p>

As usual, it was just the two of us going over the smallest details after school.

My heart pounded when I felt your leg brush up against mine as you leaned in to look at my notebook.

You reached across to point out a mistake in my notes.

You looked up, caught me staring.

And then your lips were on mine.


	40. Chapter 40

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>You checked the hallway to make sure the janitor was gone before we went to a less obvious area.<p>

We ended up in the girls' bathroom.

It gross. It was dirty.

How fitting.

Every step we took echoed.

The sound of blood in my ears amplified.

I could've walked out. I could've come to my senses. I could've remembered every reason why what we were about to do was wrong.

But I didn't.

I couldn't even look at you as you fucked me against the wall.


	41. Chapter 41

**Thanks be to EBT. **

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><p>It's shameful how easy I give in to you. Even then, I was happy to have you whenever, wherever I could.<p>

The bathroom.

Your car.

Always secret. Always careful.

You never said anything before, during, or after.

I wanted to ask you so many things.

Is this just about sex for you? Do you feel anything for me? _Will_ you feel anything for me? Why me? Am I special in some way? If you love Bella, why are you doing this to her?

Questions but no answers.

But questions aren't on my mind when you're inside me. Not when you're making me come. Not when I can make myself believe something I know isn't true.


	42. Chapter 42

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>She's short to my tall.<p>

I'm thinner but have bigger breasts.

She's flawless skin, face. A porcelain doll.

I'm glasses, long hair. The mirror image of my mother.

She's jeans, t-shirts, and Converse.

I'm jeans, t-shirts, and flats.

She's smart, funny, perfectly perfect.

I'm the mistake. A repeated one.

Never before had I compared myself to her, but you came along and…

You make me do things I never thought I would do.


	43. Chapter 43

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>"Have you noticed anything different about Edward lately?" she asked as she wrote her English notes.<p>

I froze.

"He's hardly around these days. He says it's homework and student council and hanging out with Emmett and Jasper, but… I don't know. Something's off."

She turned to look at me.

"He's always been so, I don't know, attentive."

She sighed.

"I'm not making sense."

I shifted uncomfortably. I didn't know what to say, didn't know what to do.

"You don't think‒"

She laughed nervously.

"You don't think he's cheating on me, do you?"


	44. Chapter 44

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>I love him.<p>

I've been in love with him longer than you've known him.

I slept with him.

More than once.

It was a mistake.

But I love him.

I didn't mean to hurt you.

But I love him.

Please forgive me.

I'll do whatever it takes.

You're my best friend.

I'm so sorry.

"He loves you, B. He wouldn't do something like that."


	45. Chapter 45

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>And then two days later...<p>

"We got into a huge fight last night."

I wondered why you two came to school separately that morning. You usually pick her up.

"I asked him if there was something going on he should tell me about."

I couldn't breathe.

"He said no, but I could tell there was something he wasn't telling me."

She closed her locker door.

"I came home late, and Charlie caught me. I'm grounded for two weeks, and Edward's not allowed over."


	46. Chapter 46

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>My car wouldn't start that day. I hoped Bella was still around so she could give me a ride home. And that's when I heard the yelling.<p>

"You're not telling me something!" she practically screamed.

"There's nothing to tell, Bella!"

"You're lying to me!"

"No, I'm not! You're seeing things that aren't there. I'm not fucking cheating on you! Who the fuck would I cheat with?"


	47. Chapter 47

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>A crowd was starting to form. I moved as fast as I could.<p>

"Guys, you should take this someplace else."

"Stay out of this, Angela," you hissed.

I flinched.

"Don't talk to her like that."

My need to change the subject, to keep the crowd from gawking at you two, was more important than the guilt I felt at her defending me.

"Bella, my car won't start. Can you take me home?"

She took a couple of deep breaths, finally calming down.

"I can't. I'm grounded, remember?"

"Oh."

"Edward can take you, though."


	48. Chapter 48

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>"N-no. No. It's okay. I'm sure my dad can leave chu—"<p>

"No, Angie. Edward can take you. It's the least he can do for being an asshole to you."

She glared at you. You glared back.

"B, really. It's fine."

"Stop it, Angie."

She smiled, squeezed my arm.

"I'll call you later," she said to you before she walked away.

"Get your shit. Let's go," you barked.


	49. Chapter 49

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>You were so pissed as you drove. Your nostrils were flaring. Your hands were choking the wheel.<p>

I could hear you breathing hard as I looked out the window.

I wasn't about to say anything to you.

I'd never seen you and Bella so angry at one another.

And it was all because of me.

And you lied to her. In front of everybody. Because nobody can know what we're doing.

I kept thinking about how horrible you two were to each other. How what we're doing can never end well.

But then my thoughts stopped all together when I felt your hand between my legs.


	50. Chapter 50

**Thanks be to EBT and RoseArcadia.**

* * *

><p>"Edward, wh—"<p>

My voice cut off as you pushed against the seam of my jeans.

Hard.

I felt the car accelerate. I heard your breaths get louder.

You rubbed against me, hitting my clit so well.

I moaned, gripped the center console.

My eyes closed. My head fell back.

My left leg moved, giving you more room.

My hips rolled.

My mouth opened.

I was lost.


	51. Chapter 51

**Thanks be to EBT and RoseArcadia.**

* * *

><p>I felt the car move, swerve.<p>

Your hand moved faster.

Pushing.

Friction.

Rough.

My gripped tightened.

I panted.

I arched.

Stars.

Tiny white lights.

I moaned.

I shuddered.


	52. Chapter 52

**Thanks be to EBT and RoseArcadia.**

* * *

><p>My head was still swirling as my body settled down.<p>

I opened my eyes, adjusted myself in my seat.

I looked to you, fully realizing then that the car had stopped.

You were staring straight ahead.

Your knuckles were white as your hands gripped the steering wheel.

I wanted to reach over, loosen your grip, hold your hand.

Then your voice startled me.

"Get out of the car."


	53. Chapter 53

**Thanks be to EBT and RoseArcadia.**

* * *

><p>You got out, walked around, yanked my car door open, reached in, and pulled me out.<p>

You dragged me toward the back of the car, shoving me against the trunk.

I braced myself.

You put your hands on my hips.

I could feel how hard you were against my ass.

But then I felt your forehead against the back of my neck.

You breathed deeply.

You seemed to calm down.

Then you unbuttoned my pants and dipped your hand inside, underneath my panties.


	54. Chapter 54

**Thanks be to EBT and RoseArcadia.**

* * *

><p>You stroked me once, twice.<p>

You thrust against my ass.

My head fell forward.

You played with my clit.

Rubbed, pinched.

Up.

Down.

Circles.

I moaned again.

And then I felt the air hit my skin as you frantically started taking my pants off.


	55. Chapter 55

**Thanks be to EBT and RoseArcadia.**

* * *

><p>When they were at my ankles, you crouched.<p>

You struggled as you pulled my left leg completely out.

I looked down at what you were doing and then around at where we were.

A deserted road in the woods.

Nothing but trees.

Nobody around.

I was brought back to what was going on by the loss of your hands on my body.

And by the sound of your zipper.


	56. Chapter 56

**Thanks be to EBT and RoseArcadia.**

* * *

><p>You kicked at my legs until they were spread wide.<p>

I heard your pants drop.

Your hand was on my pussy again.

Stroking. Coating your fingers.

Then you were back to holding my hips.

One second.

Two…

And then you pushed up into me.


	57. Chapter 57

**Thanks be to EBT and RoseArcadia.**

* * *

><p>It was hard. Rough. Almost painful.<p>

But you pulled out quickly.

Only to push back in.

Out.

In.

Fast.

Punishing.

You grunted every time you rammed into me.

It wasn't loving. It wasn't gentle.

But I took what you gave me.

I still do.

Because it's the only thing I can have of you.


	58. Chapter 58

**Thanks be to EBT and RoseArcadia.**

* * *

><p>You thrust and grunted and huffed.<p>

I moaned and panted and pushed back against you.

The way you were moving, making me feel…

I slammed my hand against the trunk.

You were starting to make the sounds you do when you're about to come.

Your grip on my waist was starting to hurt.

But I honestly didn't care.


	59. Chapter 59

**Thanks be to EBT and RoseArcadia.**

* * *

><p>And then you pulled out, bent me completely over.<p>

You grabbed my hips, pulled my ass back, and pushed back in.

You pounded into me.

So hard. So fast.

It felt _so_ fucking good.

Because you wanted me enough to fuck me that way.

That hard. That fast.

I focused on that.

I focused on that and not on how what we were doing ‒ what we're still doing ‒ is wrong.

Not on Bella.

Not on the fact that I don't know how you felt about then or feel about me now.

Just on the feel of you inside me and what that does to me.

Because I love you so much that I'll take what little you're willing to give.


	60. Chapter 60

**Thanks be to EBT and RoseArcadia.**

* * *

><p>Three more thrusts.<p>

And then you were coming.

Which made me come, almost screaming.

You were still, caught your breath.

I moved my chest off the trunk.

I looked behind me, saw your face.

Lost.

You looked up, looked me in the eye. Then away.

The quiet after was overwhelming.


	61. Chapter 61

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>Two weeks of Bella being grounded.<p>

At first, you stayed away, kept your distance.

I started to think our time in the woods had caught up with you.

At school, everything was normal.

After school, we all went our separate ways.

Bella went home to Charlie.

You usually went out with Jasper or Emmett.

I went home to cry.

Until Sunday morning...


	62. Chapter 62

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>I didn't feel like going to church.<p>

My guilt was weighing on me.

I couldn't sit in church, in front of God, after everything I'd done with you.

After everything we'd done to Bella.

So I faked being sick.

I showered.

Texted Bella.

Stared at my calculus book.

Wondered what you were doing.


	63. Chapter 63

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>I thought about you as I went downstairs.<p>

Washed the breakfast dishes.

Cleaned the kitchen table.

I wanted to know what you felt, what you thought.

What you wanted.

I still do.

Because I want more than this fucked up situation we are.

I want you.

Your mind.

Your heart.

Not just your body.

I thought and analyzed and cried.

For myself.

And for Bella. Especially Bella.

Because despite what I want and what I'm doing, she's still my best friend.

So I was ready to give up, ready to face myself and the decisions I'd made.

Ready to give you up for good.

Then I heard a knock on the back door.


	64. Chapter 64

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>My bed.<p>

Face down.

Ass up.

I moaned and made noises only you know into my pillow.

You grabbed and squeezed and pulled.

You fucked and fucked and fucked me.

And you were gone by the time my parents and brothers came home from church.


	65. Chapter 65

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>After that, it was the public library in Port Angeles.<p>

That spot in the woods.

Your bed when your house was empty.

It slowed but didn't stop after you and Bella made up.

It slowed but didn't stop after Bella's grounding was over.

That was when we flat out started lying.

I had to babysit.

You had to study.

I had to help at church.

You left your homework at school.


	66. Chapter 66

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>It's a blessing and a curse to see you at school, in the cafeteria.<p>

Your hand in Bella's.

Your lips on Bella's.

Your smile when you see Bella.

But I also feel…

I feel that need to be with you, feel you again.

Inside of me.

On top of me.

Touching me with your hands, your mouth.

Consuming me.

Because it's never enough.

It isn't just about that, though.

Every time I look at you, I feel it in my chest, my heart.

I feel you in my soul.

You've invaded every aspect of me.


	67. Chapter 67

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>"How are you still single, Angie?" Bella asked.<p>

I nearly choked on my piece of pizza, and the entire lunch table laughed.

"B, wha‒"

"Seriously. You're smart, beautiful, easy to get along with. And you're a good person. What gives?" she teased.

"Maybe she already has someone we don't know about," Alice said, wagging her eyebrows.

"You told them our secret?" Jasper exclaimed, causing the entire table to laugh.

I noticed your laugh was a bit forced.


	68. Chapter 68

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>"What about Ben?" Alice asked. "You think he's cute, right?"<p>

It's a fact. I've always thought he was. Despite what I feel for you, I'd had a crush on him for a while.

"Yeah, he's… He's cute," I mumbled.

I felt like I was being deprived of air.

Guilt.

Lying.

I felt like crying.

"Maybe Ben isn't her type," you said out of nowhere.


	69. Chapter 69

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>I thought about what you said, what you were trying to imply.<p>

I thought and thought and thought.

Until I couldn't think anymore.

But it all came back to me the next day when Ben was suddenly sitting at our lunch table.

And Bella was doing a terrible job of hiding her guilty smirk.

I smiled, said hi, tried to join in on the conversation.

Halfway through lunch, you abruptly left the table.


	70. Chapter 70

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>"He's been pissed off about something since yesterday," Bella said, shrugging.<p>

"Maybe it's his time of the month," Alice laughed.

"Ew."

Jasper's face paled, and the girls laughed at him.

I wondered what could've been wrong.

But I stopped wondering when you fucked me so hard that afternoon that I was sore for over a day.


	71. Chapter 71

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>Ben became a staple at our lunch table. He wasn't as loud or involved as everyone else, but he's never really been the type.<p>

You watched him – us – when you thought I wasn't paying attention.

But I always paid attention.

Ben never tried anything, of course. He would ask me simple questions.

How my day was.

How I did on the English exam Bella was talking about.

How things were gearing up for prom.

Simple questions.

Questions.

A conversation.

Something _you_ never gave me.


	72. Chapter 72

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>We continued to meet up.<p>

Fuck. Come. Lie.

Our routine was a routine.

I gave, you took.

For a couple of weeks, I was okay with that.

But Ben was on my mind.

He was nice, sweet. He took the time to find out about me.

Me.

Not how many times I could come while in the backseat of a car.

Not how long until the next time he could stick his dick in me.

He made me feel how I wanted _you_ to make me feel.


	73. Chapter 73

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>Bella and Alice keep telling me how much he liked me, that I should go for it.<p>

And while I was starting to really feel something for him then, he isn't you.

We're still fucking each other and everything up.

And I'm not about to bring someone else, another innocent person, into this clusterfuck of a situation.

It's bad enough that Bella's being hurt and betrayed without her even knowing it.

The smart thing, of course, would be to stop what you and I are doing.

Stop hurting Bella.

Stop letting what I feel for you overrule all logic.

But I can't.


	74. Chapter 74

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>Bella and I had a huge paper due in English. We planned to work on it at her house one Saturday after I finished helping dad at church for the next day's service. Charlie was working a double, so were going to make dinner and take it over to him at the station.<p>

Dinner for him. A break from studying for us.

When I'd mentioned our plans to dad, he quickly rushed me out of the building.

"I'll be fine here, sweetie. Go study. Tell Bella I said hi and that your mom plans to make that mushroom ravioli she likes for dinner on Tuesday. She should come over."

He kissed my cheek and sent me on my way.

And that was how I ended up at her house an hour early.


	75. Chapter 75

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>The door was unlocked, so I walked in. Charlie broke my habit of knocking about a year ago. Said I didn't have to.<p>

I was family.

I set my books down on the kitchen table, looked around, and headed for the stairs up to your room.

I climbed the stairs, thinking of the outline I had in my head for my paper.

And that was when I heard it.


	76. Chapter 76

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>Her giggle.<p>

Your laughter.

Her moan.

Your hushed words.

Movement.

Shifting.

Squeaking.

A louder moan.

"Oh, God. Edward…"


	77. Chapter 77

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>I was frozen at the top of the stairs.<p>

"Fuck, baby. You feel so good."

More shifting.

Squeaking.

"You like that? You like it when I do that?"

She giggled.

"You suck at the dirty talk, babe."

You laughed.

"Oh, you love it."

"Not so much."

She giggled again.

Then a moan.


	78. Chapter 78

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>"I love you, Bella," you moaned.<p>

Panting.

Squeaking.

"Just… Just like that. Oh, fuck. Edward… I'm gonna come."

You moaned, panted.

The headboard was hitting the wall at a faster pace than before.

But it wasn't frenzied.

It wasn't fucking.

Then it stopped completely.

It was still for a few minutes…

And it felt like I was being crushed. I wanted to throw up, and I wanted to sob, and I wante−

"I love you, babe," you said.

"I love you, too."

I left the house in tears.

I texted Bella later to apologize for not showing up.


	79. Chapter 79

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>I'm not an idiot. I know you and Bella are sleeping together. I've never deluded myself into believing I'm the only one you're with.<p>

Mainly because Bella tells me everything.

Everything.

And one day, it was a joke about how she could be pregnant.

That led to a talk about the fact that you two sometimes forget to use condoms, which is scary enough as it is.

But the thought that you could be with her and then be with me that way…

It enraged me.


	80. Chapter 80

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>But that day at the top of the stairs wasn't about rage.<p>

It was pain, anguish.

Tears and hopelessness.

It was about you.

Your words.

How you cared.

The way you laughed.

What you said.

You were loving and gentle and… wonderful.

Everything you never were with me.


	81. Chapter 81

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>The pain and anger.<p>

They piled on top of my those consuming feelings of being a horrible person to Bella.

A horrible person for knowing what this'll do to her.

How it's going to fuck her up.

Because I've fucked her over.

Because I've allowed myself to be fucked by you.

But even worse, because I enjoy it when you do.


	82. Chapter 82

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>With those words still floating around in my head, it happened.<p>

I snapped one day when the three of us were studying.

Selfishly, my thoughts were more about how you are with her versus how you were with me.

It was partially over the fact that it took you all of five minutes to find me in the stacks of the deserted library after Bella unexpectedly left early.

Five minutes to find me.

To push up against me from behind.

Already hard.

To move one hand up my shirt.

Squeezing.

To move one hand into my pants.

Pushing against my clit.


	83. Chapter 83

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>Shame.<p>

I allowed you to feel me.

Allowed myself to give in again.

Your hands.

Fingers.

Your breath on the back of my neck.

The back of my neck…

And like I said, I snapped.

"Edward, stop."


	84. Chapter 84

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>I don't know whether you hadn't heard me or you chose to ignore me.<p>

But you didn't stop.

Your hands kept moving.

Moving.

Traveling.

Until they were both unbuttoning my pants.

I pushed myself away from the shelf.

Pushed you away from me.

"I said stop it."


	85. Chapter 85

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>"I'm not doing this anymore."<p>

You stepped back, looked away.

You shuffled your feet while you stared at the carpet.

"So, that's it?" you asked.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Nevermind."

"No, fucking tell me."


	86. Chapter 86

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>I waited for you to explain.<p>

I waited, stood, glared.

But you never said anything.

"This. This is partially the reason I'm done," I said.

You quickly glanced at me and then looked back down.

"It's always the same with you. You never say anything. You go through the motions. You make me feel like… like a whore."


	87. Chapter 87

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>"And I know that's what I am."<p>

The rage I felt toward you was starting to make me shake, cry.

"Because what type of person ‒ best friend ‒ does this? We've done nothing but hurt Bella. How do you think she's going to feel when she finds out? Because she _will_ find out, Edward. Whether we slip up or one of us finally tells her, she's going to know. I don't know if she loves you enough to stay with you, but I'll lose her. I'm going to lose my best friend, because I've been in love with her boyfriend since before she even knew him," I whispered. "I'm going to lose her, and I'm going to lose whatever this is with you."


	88. Chapter 88

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>Your head shot up and your eyes looked me over.<p>

"And you know what hurts so fucking much?"

And the anger came back.

"You're not ashamed enough to _not_ fuck me, but you're _too_ ashamed to even look at me when you do."

I cried and waited for you to say something, anything.

But I got tired of waiting.

I'd waited for you long enough.

And I was done.

"You don't. Even. Look at me."

And I walked away.


	89. Chapter 89

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>I missed you. I shouldn't have, but I did.<p>

I had to keep reminding myself that I'd done the right thing.

While Bella smiled and laughed and kissed you and loved you.

While you two talked about going to Dartmouth together.

While tentative plans for prom were made.

While we sat next to each other in Calculus.

I had to keep reminding myself that I'd done the right thing.

Not just for me but for Bella, as well.

Especially for Bella.

And I battled over whether I should tell her the truth.

All of it.


	90. Chapter 90

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>I know Bella needs to know the truth.<p>

But the idea of causing her pain…

The knowledge that it's all my fault…

The fact that two of the most important people in her life are the cause…

But she has to know the truth.

Knowing is better than not.

The truth is better than the lie.

The pain now is better than the pain later.

Right?


	91. Chapter 91

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>Because it's not just about unburdening my soul.<p>

Or begging for forgiveness.

Or knowing I shouldn't receive it.

It's about finally being the best friend I'm supposed to be.

Telling her the truth. Opening her eyes. Giving her all of the information so she can make the right decision for herself.

And it's not about wanting to hurt you, either.

It's about doing the right thing and letting Bella decide how she'll deal with that.

But I also want to pretend that her not knowing is keeping her from being hurt.

Reality versus pretending…


	92. Chapter 92

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>I still hadn't made up my mind a week later as the three of us lounged in your room, talking about college and whining about finals.<p>

As we sat there with our books open and laughing, and as Alice would randomly burst through the door to declare that she was _not_ in love with Jasper, I couldn't bring myself to tell Bella.

Who was laughing.

And teasing Alice, who'd been referring to Bella as her future sister-in-law, jokingly and non-jokingly, practically since the day you started dating.

And catching you off guard with her giddy little kisses to your face.

She was just so… happy.

And ignorance is bliss, isn't it?


	93. Chapter 93

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>"I'm getting ice cream!" Alice yelled as she ran by your door.<p>

"Oooh! Wait up!" Bella responded. "You guys want anything?"

"I'm okay," I smiled.

"Vanilla‒"

"‒with chocolate shavings. I know," she giggled at you.

It made me smile and want to cry at the same time.

But as soon as she left, you changed the game.

"We need to talk."


	94. Chapter 94

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>"About what?" I asked, not looking at you.<p>

I scribbled some notes and waited for you to say what you needed to.

After a minute of silence, I looked up.

You were staring at me.

Your eyes searched mine before you looked down.

And it pissed me off.

Because despite the fact that I was still in love with you, that it killed me to act as normal as I could around you and Bella, that I hurt for Bella more than I could express, you still couldn't look at me.

You couldn't or wouldn't change.

So it caught me by surprise when you actually said something.

"I miss you."


	95. Chapter 95

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p><em>I miss you.<em>

_ImissyouImissyouImissyou._

_I miss you._

I froze.

Panicked.

Wondered.

What did you mean by that? What was going through your head? Why? Why would you say that?

I felt like I couldn't breathe.

It wasn't the three little words I'd always wanted to hear from you, but they were the next best thing.

But during the worst possible time.

And I felt myself start to crumble.


	96. Chapter 96

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>I managed to stand, never letting go of my notebook or pencil.<p>

And I thought about Bella downstairs.

And how badly I wanted to cry for loving you and hating you.

And wondered why your face had no expression.

But then you took one step forward, closer to me, and it honestly scared the hell out of me.

I grabbed what I could and shoved it into my backpack.

And I started to cry.

"Why are you doing this?" I whispered, feeling so weak.

I didn't wait for you to answer me.

I just left.


	97. Chapter 97

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>I spent the next few days as if nothing had happened.<p>

I studied for finals, listened as you and Bella made plans for prom, and talked to my parents about college.

Externally, everything was fine.

Internally, I was a mess.

I couldn't get your words out of my head.

The meaning.

The timing.

The reason.

And I felt myself starting to give in, give up.

And that was when I made the decision that telling Bella what had happened between us wasn't an option.

Because the pain, confusion, turmoil… I didn't that want that for her.


	98. Chapter 98

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>"Hey, Angel."<p>

I smiled and blushed at the nickname Ben had given me.

"Hi, Ben."

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

I nodded, closed my locker door, and then followed him as he led me outside to the picnic tables. People were rushing to their cars or to the buses to head home, so the tables were empty.

"Um…" he began as he sat down.

He fidgeted.

He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.

He cleared his throat.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just… I'm just a little nervous."

"Why?"

"Because I'm afraid you'll say no."

"Say no to what?"

He reached into his backpack and pulled out a daisy.

"To going to prom with me."


	99. Chapter 99

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>I was surprised, but I wasn't.<p>

Ben and I had been spending more time together since Bella had asked him to sit at our lunch table. He had asked me out for pizza and a movie a few weeks ago, but I said no.

I didn't want someone else to end up getting hurt in this mess I'd helped create.

Bella was enough. I couldn't do that Ben.

No matter how much he liked me.

And no matter how much I liked him.

So when he asked me out, I told him that I wanted to but couldn't.

He was hurt, I could tell, but he was… trusting.

He didn't ask me why.

He didn't ask me when I'd be ready.

He didn't get mean.

He said he'd wait.


	100. Chapter 100

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>"I'd love to."<p>

His adorable face broke out into the most adorable smile.

It made me smile and blush again.

"Really?"

I nodded.

And I felt this _feeling_ in my chest at the look on his face.

Because he looked genuinely happy.

And _I_ had made him feel that way.

It was the complete opposite of what I feel when I'm with you.

He got up from his seat and walked over to me, giving me his hand to help me up.

"Thanks, Angel."

And in his true gentleman fashion, he kissed my cheek.

And that feeling in my chest came roaring back.


	101. Chapter 101

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><p>Bella was excited when I told her about Ben asking me to prom. She teased us at the lunch table the next day as she rearranged the collective prom plan to include the fact that I had a date.<p>

You were quiet as Bella giggled about matching dresses and tuxes and corsages.

Bella had just asked you what was wrong when Jasper and Alice arrived at the table holding hands. Jasper was teased when Alice explained that he had asked her to prom.

You tried to join in, but I could tell something was off.

So could Bella.

But she held your hand and gave you a kiss.

Your face brightened.

Until you looked over at me, realizing Ben had just taken my hand in his.


	102. Chapter 102

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><p>I was in a panic after I had put my little brothers to sleep. I couldn't find my calculus book, and I had a horrible feeling I knew exactly where it was.<p>

Mom and dad came home early from their date. If I'd had my calculus book, I would've been thrilled at the extra hour of studying.

Instead, all I felt was dread.

Because up until that point, I'd done the right thing: I avoided you.

I was in the beginning stages of whatever Ben and I are.

I was being the best friend that Bella deserved.

Sort of.

But there was no way of getting around the situation.

So I climbed into my car, took a deep breath, and headed out to get my calculus book.

My calculus book that was still in your room.


	103. Chapter 103

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><p>The entire drive to your place, I told myself things I already know.<p>

You're with Bella.

Ben is a good guy ‒ a _great_ guy.

Ben likes me, and I like him.

You and I were a mistake.

I wore a stone, hard mask as I pulled onto your street.

But that mask quickly slipped when I realized your car was the only one in the driveway.


	104. Chapter 104

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><p>I thought about turning around and going home.<p>

I thought about taking the easy way out.

Because I knew things always turn complicated when it's just you and me.

But I steeled myself.

I needed to do this, to go in and be strong and do what I needed to.

To know I could face you alone and not cave in.

So I took a deep breath and climbed out of the car.

It wasn't until I knocked and you opened the door that I knew it wasn't going to be easy.


	105. Chapter 105

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>"Hey," you greeted, slightly shocked.<p>

"Hi."

_Show no emotion. Stay strong._

"I think I left my calculus book here."

"Yeah. It's upstairs."

You opened the door wider.

"Come on in."

"No, that's okay. I'll just… wait here. But thank you."

"Jesus, Angela. Are you really‒"

"Can you please just get my book, Edward?"

You looked me over quickly before nodding and heading upstairs.


	106. Chapter 106

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>I waited for a couple of minutes before I felt bad about just standing in the doorway, one of Esme's pet peeves. I walked in just enough to close the door behind me.<p>

And I waited.

And waited.

After almost ten minutes, I started getting antsy.

"Edward?"

No answer.

I walked to the first step of the stairs.

"Edward!"

No answer.

Looking back now, I realize I went with option B instead of option A.

I should've just cursed and walked out the door.

I should've just texted you to bring my book to school the next day or asked Bella to grab it for me when she stopped by next.

Instead, I let my determination, my _want_ to put you behind me, cloud what I know now.

I didn't stand a chance.


	107. Chapter 107

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>I climbed the stairs, annoyed you were ignoring me.<p>

But that changed the moment I got to your door.

It was completely open, and I saw you sitting on the edge of the bed, hung head and eyes staring at the floor.

I didn't want to think about the fact I had no reason to be there, especially since my book was right next to you.

"Edward, can I have my book now?"

As I stood in the doorway, you got up and grabbed my book.

You walked toward me and practically threw it in my hands.

"Thank you."

I turned to walk out, but your words stopped me.

"Do you even give a fuck about the fact that I miss you?"


	108. Chapter 108

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>For a second, my emotions were everywhere.<p>

I was startled you stopped me.

I was relieved you stopped me.

I wanted to cry.

I wanted to believe.

But most importantly, I wanted to _scream_.

"You don't miss me," I snorted. "Even if you do, you don't _get_ to miss me. You don't have the _right_ to miss me."

And I started heading toward the staircase again.

"I know you think that this all about you, Angela, but it's not."

Out of sheer rage, I turned around and threw my book in your direction. I saw it land somewhere in your bedroom before I faced you.

You and the anger on your face.


	109. Chapter 109

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>"It's never been just about me! You know who it's been about? Bella. Your girlfriend. My best friend. That person we did nothing but lie to and hurt for so long."<p>

"You think that doesn't bother me?"

"How the hell would I know, Edward? You never said anything to me!"

Worried someone might come home as I said what I needed to say, I shoved you back into your room.

I slammed your door close, my anger escalating.

"All I ever was to you was a fuck and run. Your dirty little secret. And I get it. Take advantage of the quiet little girl who's had a crush on you since we were kids. But we're not kids anymore, Edward. What we do has real consequences, and Bella's going to be the one to pay for them."

You looked so pissed off, but I didn't care. I'd waited so long to finally say what I needed to you, to get everything off my chest, and I wasn't going to waste the opportunity.


	110. Chapter 110

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>But as much as I wanted to continue screaming and yelling, I didn't. Because I didn't want my moment of truth with you to be about how I said it.<p>

It needed to be about _what_ I said.

So I leaned against the wall and took a few deep breaths.

When I had myself under control, I spoke in a calm, even tone.

"You're with Bella. She loves you. What we did? It's unforgivable."

I finally raised my head to look at you.

"No matter how I feel about you, it doesn't excuse what I let myself get into. We can't do this anymore."

You stood there, huffing and angry and…

And I still l loved you.

God help me, I still loved you.

Love you.

"What about how I feel about you?"


	111. Chapter 111

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>"You don't feel anything for me, Edward."<p>

"Why do you keep saying that?"

"Because you can't! You're not allowed to. You're with Bella. _Bella_."

"I love Bella," you immediately replied.

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"Really? Because if you loved her, we wouldn't be having this conversation. And that's mainly my fault, because I started it. I started it and let myself get caught up in this idea that I would take whatever you gave me, because it was you. I let my feelings for you ruin my friendship with her, and I let it ruin me."


	112. Chapter 112

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>I started to cry. I didn't want to, because it showed how weak I was.<p>

How weak I am.

I didn't want to show you that you still affected me.

"I love Bella," you said quietly.

You said it with conviction as you walked toward me, putting me on edge.

"I love Bella. I know what we've done – what _I've_ done – doesn't show that, but I do."

"Then what am I doing here? Why are we having this conversation again?"

"Because I feel _something_ for you. I don't know what it is. I can't explain it, but it's nothing like what I feel for Bella."

"That's not good enough," I responded.

I took in a shuddering breath.

"_What_ do you feel for me?"


	113. Chapter 113

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>"I don't <em>know<em>," you answered, shaking your head. "You were always just Bella's best friend. And then… You were there. I can't explain what it is. I wish I could, but... I've never done this. I don't know what I'm doing when it comes to you."

You cupped my face with your hand.

"And I know that doesn't make things better or make it easier for you, but that's all I can give you right now, because _I_ don't understand it."

Frustrated, I resisted the urge to hit you in some way. Instead, I reached up and removed your hand.

"It's enough that you're willing to cheat on Bella with me but not enough that you can't tell me what it is?"

"I don't know what this feeling is, but I know one thing."

"What's that?"

I gasped when your hand was suddenly cupping my pussy.

"I know I want you."


	114. Chapter 114

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>I moved your hand away.<p>

"You can't have it both ways. And I'm _not_ doing this anymore," I said.

I pushed past you to pick up my calculus book from the floor. I needed to get away from you and stop the way my body was reacting.

The way it always reacts to you.

"You can't be with her and be with me," I said, leaning against your desk and staring at the floor.

"I'm not breaking up with Bella," you said forcefully. "I love her. Whether you believe that or not, I do. She's everything to me."

And my stomach dropped.

"Then that's my answer."

Before I could move away from your desk and leave, you were standing in front of me.

"I don't want you to leave. I know that makes me an asshole, but I can't help whatever _this_ is."

And with that, you leaned in and kissed me.


	115. Chapter 115

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>And then everything but you went… hazy.<p>

Blurry.

Because you were kissing me.

_You_ were kissing _me_.

And that was all I could focus on.

You holding my face.

Holding me to you.

Your hands moving into my hair.

I could pretend that the past year of hiding and lying and deceit hadn't happened.

That you weren't with Bella.

That Ben wasn't in the picture.

That I wasn't making another mistake.

Focus on the fact that you felt _something_ for me.


	116. Chapter 116

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>And after the clothes were gone and you sat me on your desk.<p>

After you pulled me to you and you pushed into me.

After you moved in and out over and over and had us both moaning.

After you looked me in the eye and kept my gaze.

After I held back my "I love you" and the tears for how horrible I felt.

After you moved your hand down my body and used your fingers to make me come.

After you moved us to your bed and you climbed on top of me.

After I said your name and you made me come again.

You reminded me that telling Bella would only hurt her.

That I still love you.

And that I hate everything about myself.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for sticking it out. You make me unbelievably happy. :)<strong>

**See you in the A.M.**


	117. Chapter 117

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>So here I am.<p>

Driving.

Sobbing.

Hating.

Myself and only myself, because I know I'm the one who got myself into this situation.

And I'm the only one who can get myself out.

I'm trying to think about what to do, what to say, how to act next.

But the ache between my legs reminds me of where I've just been.

And how Bella will hate me when she finds out.

Because she _will_ find out.

If I've learned anything while driving around and reflecting on this past year, it's that.

And then there's Ben…


	118. Chapter 118

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>Ben pulls out my chair, asks me how my day's going, and shares his French fries with me at lunch. And I smile.<p>

I genuinely smile. And it dawns on me that the last time I smiled like this, felt like this, was with him.

Him.

Not you.

And as we're all sitting at the lunch table, listening to Bella go over the final prom details, I wonder what I'm doing with you.

Not just because you're with Bella, though that's reason enough, but because I know you're bad for me.

You've _been_ bad for me.

You're not Ben.

You're not nice or sweet or caring.

You don't even know how you feel about me.

He doesn't make me feel like a whore or filthy or horrible.

He makes me feel beautiful and intelligent and… worthy.


	119. Chapter 119

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>And yet, I keep going back to you.<p>

I don't know why I keep going back to you.

I can say it's because I love you, but I'm not stupid.

Despite my actions over the past year, I'm really not.

I know love isn't supposed to feel like this.

Love's supposed to look like how Bella's face lights up when she sees you.

How she still giggles every time you call her.

How she misses you when you've only been apart for a few hours.

I want to feel that.

But I know I'll never have that with you.

Because you'll never feel that for me.


	120. Chapter 120

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>"I can't believe you waited this long to find a dress, Angie."<p>

Bella's making that face she always makes when she's trying to be mad but can't.

We're sitting here laughing as Alice goes from one side of the store to another, trying to find a dress that the three of us can agree on for me to wear to prom. She's on a Jasper high, so she has all the energy in the world.

"Ben called me this afternoon," Bella whispers. "He's nervous about prom. He says he doesn't want anything to go wrong."

"He's… sweet," I say, not bothering to hide my smile.

"So, what's the issue?"

"What's the issue with what?" you ask, popping up out of nowhere.

You sit on the other side of Bella and immediately hold her hand.

"Why Angie won't make it official with Ben. What are you doing here?" she asks you sweetly, though obviously confused.

You innocently smile, but before you can answer, Alice comes running up.

"Found it!"


	121. Chapter 121

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>We've spent the afternoon at Rosalie's house getting ready for prom. Every town has a rich family, and in Forks, it's the Hales. They've always been good, sweet people, so I'm not surprised they hired staff from Port Angeles to do our hair and make-up for tonight.<p>

It's actually been fun.

We talk about how we think we did on finals, how everyone will look, how our time together is ending too quickly.

We're ready by five, and you, Ben, Emmett, and Jasper are already downstairs.

All of our parents are here, too.

We're made to stand here and there and pose and smile.

Solo pictures, couples pictures, group pictures.

Happiness and laughter.

It's just what going to prom's supposed to be like.

And for the first time in a long time, I'm not thinking of you.

I'm thinking of Ben and how handsome he looks and how he won't stop smiling when he looks at me.

How he introduced himself to my parents.

And how happy it makes _me_ to see _him_ happy.


	122. Chapter 122

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>The limo your parents rented for us is waiting, and despite that all of the girls are wearing heels, we run outside.<p>

We climb in, and we're immediately joking and laughing.

The contrast of the fancy limo next to the diesel trucks when we arrive at The Diner is enough to give us all stomach aches from laughing so hard.

But we order and eat and have a good time.

Ben's attention is always on me.

I look beautiful.

Do I have a napkin.

Do I want another Diet Coke.

It makes me smile and blush.

You, however, seem... distracted.

Upset.


	123. Chapter 123

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>Rosalie's parents volunteered to financially help with prom, but the combination of the streamers, balloons, DJ, light system, and everything else is still a shock.<p>

Before we can see who's here, Emmett's dragging Rosalie out onto the floor. He's yelling something about putting Usher to shame.

And for the next two hours, we're dancing and whooping and smiling for the hired photographer.

You've seemed to come out of whatever funk you were in at The Diner, and Bella's having a great time.

Prom king and queen are announced, and to all of our surprise, Jasper and Alice win. Poor Alice looks like a deer in headlights while Jasper's yelling at you about how he kicked your ass.

Everything's great.

For a short while.


	124. Chapter 124

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>Half an hour later, we can't find Jasper and Alice. Rosalie makes a joke about Alice cashing in her V card, and your foul mood immediately returns. Bella tries to hide her laugh as she tells you she was just kidding.<p>

You end up walking out of the gym, needing fresh air.

Even with three people down, we're still having a blast.

But another two people leave when Ben takes my hand and asks me to join him outside.

I smile and sigh gratefully, all too happy to take my shoes off.

He makes me laugh when he takes them from my hand and dangles them on his finger.

We end up outside on our picnic table, the one where he asked me to prom and gave me a flower.


	125. Chapter 125

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>"Thanks for coming with me tonight," Ben says.<p>

He sounds nervous.

"Thanks for inviting me."

I can't help but blush, so I look down at the ground, at my feet that are marked with red lines from the strappy heels I've worn all night.

I can hear the music from inside the gym, but it's pretty quiet outside.

"I don't know how else to say this, so I'll just say it," he suddenly blurts out.

"Okay…" I say, watching him fidget and take a deep breath.

"I don't know why you didn't want to go out with me before, but I'm really happy you changed your mind and came with me to prom, and there's nothing more I'd really like to do right now than kiss you."


	126. Chapter 126

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>I'm in a blind panic.<p>

Because I _want_ Ben to kiss me.

I _want_ to kiss him.

But it's not that simple.

Because even though I haven't been with you in weeks, this thing with us isn't over. It isn't over in the sense that you and I haven't said it's done. And it needs to be 100% done before I can move forward.

Because I want to move forward.

Because I can't do to Ben what I've done to Bella.

Regardless of whether I do or don't kiss him, I'm making a decision. And it's not one that I can enter into lightly.

I need to analyze every point from every angle.

I need to do this the right way.

But I'm taking too long, and Ben's done waiting.

He leans in and kisses me.


	127. Chapter 127

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>And it's perfect.<p>

Ben's lips are soft against my own, but there's aggression there, too.

Like he can't get enough.

And I'm melting.

All I can think is that I want more of this, more of Ben.

And I know it's not about replacing you or settling or using him to get over you.

It's because I like Ben. Him. What I know of him and what I hope to know in the future.

And my decision is made.

My decision to move forward and be happy.

But part of that is being honest.

And I know that I have to tell Ben about you.


	128. Chapter 128

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>I'm still floating when Ben pulls away.<p>

His hands are holding my face, tender and sweet.

And I know that telling him about what we did is the right thing to do.

Whether he'll still be around when the truth is out is a risk, but it's one I have to take.

Clean slate.

Because he deserves it.

He smiles as he pulls back and immediately takes my hand, laughing a little.

And we sit there quietly for a few moments before I speak.

"Ben, I... I have to tell you something."

"Yeah?"

But I can't say anything, not just yet, because I know that part of this process, of getting out of this situation and moving forward, of making things right, involves telling Bella the truth, too.

I have to tell Bella, be honest with her.

And I owe it to her to tell her first.

Before I can begin explaining all of this, the night begins to unravel.


	129. Chapter 129

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>Alice appears from around the corner and goes running into the building. Before I can wonder what's wrong, Jasper stumbles from around the same corner.<p>

He's holding his eye and looks like he's in pain.

"Jasper?"

He looks up, sees me and Ben, and makes his way over.

"Dude, what happened?" Ben asks.

As he's sitting down, the rest of the group comes filing out of the doors and rushing toward us.

There's a lot of talking and chaos, and Alice looks like she's going to cry and smash someone's face in.

"Alice, what happened?" I ask her.

"Edward hit him."


	130. Chapter 130

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>Alice kneels on the grass as Jasper sits on the bench and laughs off all the attention. She's looking over his eye that's starting to change color already.<p>

"One boob!" she yells. "One hand on one boob, and Edward goes Mike Tyson on him."

"Hey," Jasper says, getting Alice's attention by grabbing her hand. "Totally worth it."

He smiles, and Alice swoons.

As we're all figuring out what we're supposed to do – hospital or no hospital, take him to your father – Jasper keeps insisting he's fine, that you punch like a girl.

Alice starts crying, her prom ruined, and Bella's immediately there to hold her. Emmett and Rosalie are livid. Ben's trying to calm them down, so there's no pig's blood at prom.

Bella leaves Alice for a minute and walks over to me.

"Angie, can you go find Edward for me, please?"


	131. Chapter 131

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>I don't wanna go, but saying that would raise eyebrows, and now's not the time to have the talk with Bella. Plus, there's Alice.<p>

"So, what? If I'd my hand on Jasper's little Texas, Edward would've gone ballistic on _me_?" she cries, and I know I have to hurry.

I run inside through the side doors, hurry down the hallway, and look into rooms until I find you in the Music Room.

You're pacing back and forth when I walk in.

"Edward? Bella's looking for you."

"She's sixteen!" you yell. "Alice is sixteen. He has no right putting his hands on her. She's a baby."

I don't know what to say considering you and I have both done things we had no right doing.

"He kissed her and touched her, and she didn't stop him. They just went at it. In public. For anyone to see."

And now I get the feeling you're not talking about Alice.

You stop and look at me.

"You let him kiss you."


	132. Chapter 132

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>"What does one have to do with the other, Edward?" I ask.<p>

I don't know what exactly you're trying to get at, but I don't like where this is going.

"Did you _want_ me to see you? You knew I was outside."

And now I'm livid.

"You're pissed at me for kissing my date? I like him, Edward! He's a good guy, and I really like him. And for your fucking information, _he_ kissed _me. _I wanted him to, and there's nothing wrong with that, because he likes _me_, Edward. Me. Not me on my back or from behind‒"

"Are you fucking him too?"


	133. Chapter 133

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>I'm somewhere between wanting to beat the shit out of you and wanting to curl up and cry.<p>

I can't believe you, but I can. I'm offended, but I'm not.

Because the Angela from a year ago ‒ the one who had put her feelings aside, who put her friend's happiness first, who was what every best friend should be ‒ would never have been accused of something like this.

But now…

Now there's every reason to have my character questioned.

"Fuck you, asshole!"

I stop myself from really losing it. This is getting us nowhere, and I don't need to explain myself to you.

"You know what? I'm not doing this. You're acting like a jealous asshole when your girlfriend's outside taking care of your little sister and her date, because you punched him."

"Better him than Ben."


	134. Chapter 134

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>"What the <em>hell<em> is your problem?"

"I fucking like you, all right? I don't understand it, and it makes me sick. I love Bella. I _love_ Bella, but then there's you. You came out of fucking nowhere, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do. No matter what I do, I'm fucked! And I know I have no right to be pissed about Ben, but when I saw you with him… I just‒"

You stop and take a deep breath.

This is everything I've always wanted from you.

For you to say you like me, to say you can't stand the idea of me with someone else.

But it's too late.

And I'm still pissed.


	135. Chapter 135

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>"Did you think it was easy for me to see you with Bella every day? The hand-holding and the kissing and... everything? I waited for you to notice me for years before she came along, and I had to put my feelings aside when you two got together. I have to keep a straight face and hold it together when all I can see is how much she loves you."<p>

"I do those things because _I_ love _her_. You don't even like Ben. You're using him to get back at me."

"You _would_ think that, wouldn't you? It couldn't be because I actually like him or like how he makes me feel or the fact that he's good to me. He's good _for_ me."

"I would think that, because you don't love him. You love me. You said so yourself."


	136. Chapter 136

**Thanks be to EBT, because I'd be rocking in a corner and eating my hair if it wasn't for her.**

* * *

><p>Now I'm so livid that I'm shaking.<p>

You're taking my words and twisting them, using them against me.

"I _thought_ I did. Maybe I really did. Maybe I still do. I don't know. But that doesn't matter. I've already fucked this up enough. _We've_ already fucked this up enough. The point is that you're with Bella, and I'm trying to do right by Ben."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that I'm done, that I'm sick of feeling like this. It means I'm telling them. I'm telling Ben and Bella about what happened."

* * *

><p><strong>I posted an Edward POV earlier today. It's under <strong>_**The War Is Over**_** Alternate POVs on my FFn page if you'd like to alert it for future POVs.**

**I also posted a very important entry on the blog regarding today's EPOV. bit . ly / ymHo13**

**Thank you for everything, and I hope to see you tomorrow. :)**


	137. Chapter 137

**Thanks be to EBT, because... Just because.**

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><p>The color from your face drains.<p>

"You‒ You can't tell Bella."

I sigh.

"I have to. I can't lie to her anymore, and I'm not going to start something with Ben unless there's a clean slate. I can't have a clean slate with this hanging over my head."

You're quiet, but your face shows that you're becoming angrier every second, and I _need_ you to understand.

"Bella needs to know what's been going on between us. And I'm not saying that hurt you or because you think I want revenge. I'm doing it because I'm supposed to be her best friend. She deserves to know who she's in love with and who she thinks her best friend is. The moment I kissed you, the moment _we_ made the decision to fuck behind her back, we ruined everything. And I don't want to be a horrible person anymore."

And that's when I hear someone else in the room.

* * *

><p><strong>I appreciate how passionate and amazing you are. Thank you.<strong>

**See you soon.**


	138. Chapter 138

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>I look over, and my heart drops. My eyes instantly tear up. And I know that this isn't how it's supposed to happen.<p>

He's just standing there. He's staring at us. I don't know how much he heard, but I know it's enough by the look on his face.

It's quiet. Too quiet.

I don't know what to say or do.

I look over at you, and your face goes from anger to worry.

The change in your face does something to him, and he starts to leave the room.

"Ben, please wait. Please. Just‒ I'm sorr‒"

I can't find the words...

"Bye, Angela."

And then he just... walks out of the room.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for the flailing. It makes me giggle and fills me with unicorn love. Or something.<strong>

**Hasta manana.**


	139. Chapter 139

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>I take a few minutes to compose myself before I start to leave the room.<p>

"You can't let him tell Bella. _You_ can't tell Bella. It'll ruin everything."

But those minutes are in vain, because I'm furious and crying again.

"Fuck you."

I run from the room and head back to where I left everyone. Alice is actually smiling, Jasper's flirting with her, but Bella looks worried. Emmett and Rosalie are making out two picnic tables down.

And my prom shoes, the shoes Ben had been holding for me, are on the grass next to Alice's feet.

Ben's nowhere to be found.

"There you are," Bella says.

Then she notices my face.

"Angie, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

I'm trying to figure out if now is the time and place to tell her, but you speak up, letting me know that I wasn't alone on the run back.

"She was worried about Alice."

"Oh," she sighs. "I thought it might have something to do with why Ben suddenly left."

* * *

><p><strong>It looks like I should've named this fic <strong>_**You Can't Have Your Cake and Eat It, Too! **_**:P**

**Thank you for being amazing.**

**See you later.**


	140. Chapter 140

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>The prom afterparty is at Lauren's house, and the entire ride there is loud and chaotic.<p>

Everyone's yelling at you for hitting Jasper. Everything's forgiven, though, when Jasper says he'd do the same if he saw his 16-year-old sister being felt up.

Alice still refuses to play nice with you, though.

Bella's worried about my crying and Ben leaving.

She wants an answer that I can't give her.

Not right now anyway.

So I tell her that everything's fine and not to worry.

The house is already full, and everybody hurries in, grabs something to drink, and resumes dancing.

You act like you don't have a care in the world.

I take mine into an empty room upstairs and call Ben. I don't know what I'll say, but it doesn't matter, because he doesn't pick up. I want to text him, but I don't.

So, as I hide out and think about everything, I decide that Bella deserves this night. She deserves a prom night full of fun and happiness and laughter.

Because it all ends tomorrow.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for everything. :)<strong>

**I'll see you tomorrow.**


	141. Chapter 141

**Thanks be to EBT.**

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><p>I don't get out of bed until after noon the next day, even though I didn't get any sleep.<p>

My mind's too full of things that need to be said and how they have to be said.

Plus, I'm scared and feel more alone than ever.

My phone's full of text messages from Bella, asking me if I'm okay and for a BFF night to talk about prom and graduation in a week.

There's nothing from Ben.

And then there are your texts.

_You can't fucking tell her, Angela! You just can't._

_Do you realize what this will do to you? Your reputation? Do you want to be _that_ girl?_

_Angela, I'm begging you. Please don't fucking do this._

_She doesn't have to know._

_You're clearing your conscience at her expense. Is that what you want?_

_Please don't. Please. I don't want to lose her._

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for continuing to come back and read this train wreck.<strong>

**See you later today. *snuggle huggle***


	142. Chapter 142

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>I'm on the verge of having a breakdown for most of the day, but I know it <em>has<em> to be done.

So I finally text Bella back and say I'll be at her place around dinnertime.

I text Ben.

_I know you don't owe me anything, but I'd like the chance to apologize. I never meant to hurt you. I hope you can believe that._

And then I text you.

_I'm telling her tonight. I know you don't think she should know, but she does. I'm sorry._

My phone immediately rings.

And rings.

And continues to ring for the next two hours.

It takes everything in me to not pick up.

It's still ringing as I get into my car and head to Bella's, though I drive around for a long time and prepare myself for what I'm about to do.

I'm shaking as I walk to her front door, and it opens before I can knock.

"Did you get lost?" she laughs.

My words get lost in my throat, and I try not to cry.

"Angie, what's wrong?"

"Bella, I need to tell you something."

* * *

><p><strong>Have fun with the Super Bowl. It's a night of Fassbender movies for me. :)<strong>

**As always, thank you for being amazing.**

**Hasta manana.**


	143. Chapter 143

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>32 minutes.<p>

She's been sitting across from me on her bed and looking out the window for 32 minutes.

And she hasn't said a single word.

She knows the truth.

She knows everything.

And I know that there's nothing I can do now, nothing more I can say.

I'd give anything and everything to take it all back, to undo what caused the vacant look on her face, in her eyes.

She's like a statue.

And I did that to her.

_I _did that to her.

And I have nothing to show for it but the tears on my face and the loss of… everything.

My regret and anguish are overwhelming, and I feel like I'm about to literally explode.

But Bella's voice stops everything in its tracks.

"He asked me to marry him."

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for sticking by this story. It means more to me than I could ever express.<strong>

**See you later today.**


	144. Chapter 144

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>"We were putting up ornaments on his Christmas tree."<p>

She's still unmoving, still staring out the window, but her eyes are filling with tears.

"I turned around to find out what the hell had gotten into him, but he threw wrapping paper at me. We ended up making a mess and getting yelled at by Esme."

She stops and takes a deep breath, but it's her undoing, and she starts to cry.

"I knew he was joking, because we'd already talked about waiting until we were both done with college before we even thought about getting married. But for a second – for just a single, split second – I thought about saying yes. Yes… I wanted to say yes _so_ badly, because I knew there was nobody else for me. Edward was it. I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life."

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for your amazing support.<strong>

**See you manana.**


	145. Chapter 145

**Thanks be to EBT and Khar.**

* * *

><p>"All I wanted was to be was happy. He was my happy."<p>

She stops talking but continues crying.

And all I can do is sob.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I'm so, _so_ sorry. You have to believe me. I wish I could take it back. I'd do anything to take it all back. Please. Please please please…"

I know I can beg and plead for her forgiveness, but I don't deserve it. All I can do is let her know how sorry I am, how wrong I was in the decisions I made that led us here.

"I know, Angie."

She turns to look at me, but I'm too much of a coward to look her in the eye as she cries and shakes.

"I know you're sorry. But it's too late."


	146. Chapter 146

**Thanks be to EBT and Khar.**

* * *

><p>"I wish I could say I forgive you or that I understand, but I don't. Maybe, <em>maybe<em> I could've lied to myself and chalked the first time up to a drunken mistake. But months?"

And I know I'm about to hear what I've prepared myself for.

But there's no amount of preparation in the world for this.

"I was happy. I was in love. I thought everything in my life was as it should be. I had the love of my life and a best friend I considered a sister. I considered you family, Angela."

She gets up from the bed and stands over me.

"You were going to be my maid of honor. We'd always joked about growing up to live next door to each other and watch as our kids played together and watching them become best friends, too. But I really did want that. And you ruined it. You _ruined_ it. My dreams, my future... My heart. You stole them from me."


	147. Chapter 147

**Thanks be to EBT and Khar.**

* * *

><p>She's still standing over me, still trembling.<p>

But she's not yelling.

She's calm as she tells me what I've done to her, how I've ruined everything she's ever known.

I don't deserve her calm.

"All I wanted for you was to find what I had with Edward... what I thought I had. I wanted you to be loved and be happy, because that's what best friends want for one another."

I sob harder.

"You were more important to me than he was. As much as I loved him, _you_ were more important. If you'd just told me about how you felt, I never would've gone out with him. I never would've loved him. I would've even broken up with him and hoped there was a way for me to be happy without him."

I can't breathe.

I'm crying so hard I can't breathe.

"I know you're sorry, but that's not enough."

She cries harder.

"Get out."


	148. Chapter 148

**Thanks be to EBT and Khar.**

* * *

><p>"Bella, I‒"<p>

"No. You don't get to sit here and tell me how sorry you are. You don't get to fuck my boyfriend behind my back for _a year_ and tell me anything. Not a word."

The volume of her voice is the same, but the hostility in it is rising.

"Nothing you can say will ever make this right. It doesn't matter how much you love him or how much you regret it or any other lame excuse or explanation you have in you."

She takes a step back, a step away from me.

And I know that this is it. This is the end.

"You want Edward so badly? Keep him. I'm done with you both."


	149. Chapter 149

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>I don't know how long I've been sitting in my car. I don't even remember how I managed to get home.<p>

I'm shuddering from all the crying, reliving what I just put Bella through.

The empty look on her face.

The words she spoke.

The official end of our friendship.

Then the ringing coming from my purse snaps me out of my daze.

I find my phone and send your call to voicemail.

You've called me 74 times since I texted you.

You continue to call as I head inside, sit on my bed, and think.

Reflect.

Cry.

About an hour later, it completely stops.

And that's when I know ‒ I just _know_ ‒ that Bella's made her way to you.


	150. Chapter 150

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>I don't know what to expect when I get to school on Monday.<p>

I'm scared and nervous.

Part of me believes everyone will know what happened, what I've done.

But everyone and everything appear to be the same.

Except that neither you nor Bella are here.

And I have no idea what happened between you two the day before.

Since it's the last week of school and seniors are only required to attend Wednesday's assembly, there aren't too many people around.

I'm alone here.

There's no mention of you or Bella, and I'm too scared to find Jasper or Alice.

So, I clean out my locker as quietly as I can, doing now what the three of us were going to do after the assembly.

I shut the door, look up, and see Ben walking down the hall.


	151. Chapter 151

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

* * *

><p>Ben sees me, makes eye contact.<p>

But there's no way he wants to talk to me, not after what I did.

Not after what he heard.

So, I grab my things and walk away from him as fast as I can.

I don't see him again until Wednesday at the assembly.

I also see Bella.

She looks sad, tired.

Like she's been doing nothing but crying.

And she probably has.

Because I'm a horrible person who did something that's unforgivable.

She's sitting by herself, and I wonder if anybody wonders why she's not sitting with me or where you are.

Until I see you enter the gym.

And realize you have a black eye.


	152. Chapter 152

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

* * *

><p>I stay home the next day, stay in bed.<p>

And I think about graduating on Saturday and how everything's changed now.

Dramatically altered.

I'm thinking and thinking and thinking until the sound of a text notification startles me.

My phone hasn't gone off in days, and I have no idea who would be trying to get a hold of me.

I debate whether I should bother getting out of bed to check, but then there's another notification.

I throw back the covers and walk over to my dresser.

_This is probably the stupidest decision I've ever made, but okay._

_Apologize. And you owe me an explanation, too._

The texts are from Ben.


	153. Chapter 153

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

* * *

><p>I get out of my car and immediately start crying the moment I see him.<p>

He's sitting on our bench.

The one he asked me to prom to. The one where he kissed me.

He must hear me approaching, because he looks up.

I can't look him in the eye, so I sit down, making sure it's as far away from him as possible.

I don't deserve to be here. I don't deserve to apologize or explain.

But for some reason, he wants me here.

He wants to know.

I sit with my head bowed and my hands tucked between my knees, the both of us quiet.

As I try to find a way to tell him how sorry I am.

The bench creaks as he finally moves, shifting his body toward mine.

"Talk to me, Angela."


	154. Chapter 154

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

* * *

><p>I'm a sobbing mess as I tell him about how I felt about you for all those years.<p>

How I feel about you now.

How I ruined my friendship with Bella.

How I ruined Bella.

How I didn't want him to become a casualty of my actions.

How I really do like him.

How I know that I've ruined everything with everyone.

How I've become the worst version of myself.

I don't hold anything back. The truth is his to take and do with what he wants.

When I'm done, he sighs. He stands and starts pacing. He stops once… twice… but continues to pace.

His face is stone, and I don't know what he's thinking.

Finally, he stops.

"I… I need to not be here. I need to think."

And he walks away.


	155. Chapter 155

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

* * *

><p>His words remind me of his face at prom.<p>

The look when he overheard us talking about our catastrophe.

It hits me all at once, and I feel like my chest is caving in.

There's this hole that's expanding, and it's a pain that's only comparable to what I felt when I told Bella the truth.

I didn't know what to think, what to expect when I agreed to meet Ben.

I didn't expect forgiveness.

Or acceptance.

Or understanding.

But this?

His words, him walking away again is just too much.

Just when I think that I can't bear myself, what I've done, who I've hurt…

"Angel?"

I look up and see Ben looking down at me.

He holds out his hand.

"Come on. Let's go think this over together."


	156. Chapter 156

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>If I thought I was crying before, I was wrong.<p>

I let out this loud sob and hide my face in his hands as my body shakes.

He's still here. He wants to talk this over together.

I don't know why. I don't know what I did to deserve his patience.

I feel him sit down next to me, and his arm is suddenly around my shoulder.

He pulls me into him, and my head falls into the crook of his neck.

I continue to cry, and all I want to do is ask him the questions screaming at me in my mind.

He strokes my hair and soothes me.

"Shhhh," he whispers as he holds me.

I cry and cry until I can't cry anymore, finally settling down.

"I want you to hear me, Angel. I want you to really hear me."


	157. Chapter 157

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

* * *

><p>"You're <em>not<em> a horrible person. You're not. People do horrible things, but that doesn't make them horrible people. You made a mistake. It was a _big_ fucking mistake, but you're human. That's what we do. We make mistakes. We make mistakes, and we learn from them."

He moves me so we're face to face, so I can see the sincerity in his eyes.

"I know you didn't do this to hurt Bella. I know this, because you're not a horrible person. You feel guilty, because you have a conscience. You told her the truth, because you have a conscience. Horrible people don't have that. Horrible people don't try to fix their fuck-ups."

He sighs and takes my hand.

"And I know you didn't mean to hurt me, either."


	158. Chapter 158

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>He takes my face in his hands, his thumbs making sweeps on my cheeks.<p>

"Bella kept telling me you liked me, so I couldn't understand why you wouldn't go out with me."

He gives me a small smile.

"You didn't want me to get hurt. I didn't know that until now."

I don't know what to say, because I don't know exactly what he's saying.

Does he still want to be with me?

Is he just here as a friend?

Am I even ready to think about something like this?

I don't even know how I feel about you anymore.

Do I deserve anything other than being alone?

He searches my face and removes his hands after a minute.

"But I can't do this with you."


	159. Chapter 159

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>That gaping hole in my chest he was repairing starts to swallow me whole again.<p>

I'm going to be alone.

Because I deserve to be alone.

I did this to myself.

I have nobody else to blame.

My eyes start to fill with tears.

"Please don't cry. Just hear me out."

He moves away from me a little and then sighs.

"You're not ready to be in a relationship. You're nowhere _near_ being ready. You're... emotionally and mentally fucked up right now. You have to get through this first. As much as I want something with you, we just can't until you deal with everything, including yourself."

He's telling the truth.

It hurts to know he's telling the truth.

"And you have to," he clears his throat, "deal with the Edward situation."

He looks at me, though he seems scared to.

"Do you still love him?"


	160. Chapter 160

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>Do I still love you?<p>

I don't know how I feel about you, what to think of you anymore.

"I don't know."

My voice is raspy, my throat raw. It hurts to talk.

"But you like me?"

"Yes," I whisper.

"Then that's something you have to work out with yourself."

He scoots back closer to me.

"Because I won't take anything less than 100% of you, Angel."

He smiles, and I want to cry again, because I still can't figure out why he's being so good to me.

"And I can't have 100% _of_ you until you're back to _being_ 100% you."

And at that, I can't help but start crying again.


	161. Chapter 161

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>"I think the best thing for now, for the both of us, is to be friends."<p>

He laughs a little.

"It's very cliché and non-manly or whatever, but it looks to me like you need a friend. And I wanna be that friend. I wanna be there for you, because I know you're going through a shit time right now. You need someone."

Again, he wipes my tears.

"And I need you," he smiles. "I need you to work this out and get through it, because… Well, just because."

And I have to ask.

"Why? Why me? Why are you still here after everything I've done?"

"Because you're not the person you think you are. I wanna be there when you realize it."


	162. Chapter 162

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>"Come on."<p>

He stands and puts his hand out again.

"Where?"

"Take my damn hand, Angela."

And I realize what he's doing.

I'm hesitant, but I do it.

Because while I don't deserve anything, he's offering his friendship.

"Where are we going?" I ask as he walks me to his car.

"I said we were gonna go somewhere and talk."

"But we just—"

"We didn't even scratch the surface. Besides, no real discussion can happen without ice cream."

"Ice cream?" I ask, absolutely confused.

"Yeah. Ice cream. It's the real man's dessert. It's manly."

I tuck my lips between my teeth to keep from laughing.

"If you can keep from teasing me, I'll even buy you a fucking Happy Meal."

"Okay," I say, smiling.

"I get the toy, though."


	163. Chapter 163

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>I feel like shit for having Ben by my side to help me, to be my friend.<p>

Bella has nobody.

I was her go-to. You were her love.

And she has nobody now.

I break down and tell Ben the next day when he calls.

He says sweet words, wise words.

And he's still offering those words when I see Bella on Saturday for graduation.

She sees me, falters, but keeps walking.

I wanna run after her, beg for forgiveness, tell her over and over how sorry I am.

But I don't.

Because I don't have the right.

I watch her walk in your direction, and you look immediately distraught when she doesn't acknowledge you.

You turn to glare at me.

I'm so inside my head, so overwhelmed by everything, to realize who's heading my way.

"Angie!"


	164. Chapter 164

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

* * *

><p>I'd forgotten Renee was flying in.<p>

But I say hi, hug her, and feel even guiltier.

Bella obviously hasn't said anything to her.

Or to anyone else since I'm still being treated like a human being.

Ben must see my face, because he immediately comes over and introduces himself. He manages to cut the conversation short while still being respectful.

Thirty minutes later, we're seated in the auditorium.

Bella's giving her valedictorian speech.

And she's amazing.

Just the way she sounded a week ago when she practiced.

I can only imagine the pride on Charlie's face.

But it's over far too quickly.

I don't realize how important this day – this day with you, Bella, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, and Ben – really is until days later.

Not until Charlie unexpectedly calls me.

* * *

><p><strong>My four day weekend begins in an hour. Let's see if I can finish TWIO in that time frame. <strong>

**Thank you for your amazingness.**

**See you here tomorrow?**


	165. Chapter 165

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

* * *

><p>Chief Swan has only personally called me twice.<p>

The first was when Bella had been in a small car accident a few years ago. She was fine but shaken up. The Chief thought it would help her to have me there.

The second time was when Renee had forgotten Bella's 16th birthday.

Bella tried to act strong at first, as though it didn't affect her, but Charlie found her crying in the bathroom later that day.

He called me, and I hurried over. I sat with her for a while as she cried it out, Charlie worrying as he sat on the edge of the tub.

He suggested pizza, ice cream, and you to make her feel better.

We spent the rest of the night pigging out, laughing, and watching _Dumb and Dumber._

So, I'm terrified, feeling as though my heart is in my throat, when Charlie calls me a little more than a week after graduation, saying it's important I head over.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for being super duper amazing and supportive.<strong>

**Hasta la later.**


	166. Chapter 166

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

* * *

><p>I don't know what to expect as I pull up to the house.<p>

My legs feel like dead weight.

I knock on the door.

Wait.

It opens.

And Charlie's face breaks my heart.

I leave an hour later, shocked and trying to make sense of everything.

I'm speechless as I drive home.

I go into my room and set the box I left Bella's house with on my desk.

I sit on my bed and stare at the box.

I don't know what to do but stare and cry.

This is_ all_ my fault.

And because I know I can't get through this alone, I call Ben.

Within twenty minutes, he's at my house.

He holds my hand and listens as I tell him what I've just found out.

"I'm sorry" is all he can say.

* * *

><p><strong>You're the wind beneath my wings and the sand in my underwear. :P<strong>

**See you tomorrow. **


	167. Chapter 167

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

* * *

><p>Ben's been with me for a couple of hours when my parents come home.<p>

Mom knows me enough to understand that something's going on but that I'm not ready to answer her questions.

She leaves Ben and I to continue our discussion.

Our analysis.

She leaves me to my regret and self-loathing.

"I did this, Ben. This is all my fault."

I say it over and over again, knowing it's true, that I can't change what's happened.

Over an hour later, mom comes back up to my room.

"Honey, Edward's here."

* * *

><p><strong>Yesterday was... unexpected. Thank you for that.<strong>

**Until later. **


	168. Chapter 168

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

* * *

><p>Ben and I head downstairs, but we don't see you.<p>

I open the door, expecting you to be on the porch, but you're not.

Ben spots you first and sighs.

He walks outside with me, asks me if I'm going to be OK before he leaves.

I walk over to you as Ben drives away.

It's strange to see you sitting on the edge of the sidewalk by the mailbox.

I want to ask you why you're out here.

But then I notice the slump of your shoulders, your hands pulling at your hair.

I stand next to you, waiting to see what you'll say or do.

But you don't get up.

I sigh when I notice you wiping away tears.

And then your broken voice hits my ears.

"She's gone."

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for the craziness the past two days. <strong>

**See you pretteh ladies manana. **


	169. Chapter 169

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**_  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>I'm trying to process what Charlie just said as I walk up the stairs to her room.<em>

"_She said she needed out of Forks. She called Dartmouth and told them she wasn't going. She's going to Brown now. She just… changed all of her plans."_

_Her room is empty. It's completely empty except for the furniture and a box on the bed._

_Her pictures on the wall, clothes on the floor, books on the shelf. _

_Gone._

"_Renee stayed after graduation. She helped her pack and find an apartment in Providence until her dorm opens up. I asked Renee why, but she didn't know, either. She just said that it was important to Bella. Apparently, it's been important to her since the day after prom. That's when she started making phone calls."_

_I look around and feel… empty. _

_Just like her room._

"_I'm so sorry, Chief," I say._

_I wish I could tell him just how sorry I am._

* * *

><p><strong>Your support is awesome. Thank you.<strong>

**See you later today. :)**


	170. Chapter 170

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

* * *

><p>"Did you know?" you ask.<p>

"No. I just found out."

I've never seen you cry before.

It's odd.

You're Edward Cullen.

You're not supposed to do things like cry.

But I understand why you're hurting.

Because I'm hurting, too.

I don't have the right to, but I am.

"I didn't get to tell her everything I wanted to that day," you say, clearing your throat.

That day…

"Why did you tell her?" you suddenly ask.

You sound angry and heartbroken at the same time.

But I have to ask you one of the million questions in my head.

"Why didn't _you_?"

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you.<strong>

**I'll see you tomorrow. Hopefully. **


	171. Chapter 171

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

* * *

><p>I take a seat on the curb next to you.<p>

"I told you I was going to tell her. You had plenty of time to do the right thing and tell her yourself. Why didn't you?"

You sigh.

"The sooner she found out, the sooner I'd lose her. This thing with you and me was a fucking time bomb. It wasn't a matter of _if_ it was going to blow up in our faces but _when_. And I wanted as much time with her as I could. I didn't want to lose her any sooner than I had to."

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you.<strong>

**See you soon.**


	172. Chapter 172

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

* * *

><p>There are so many things I want to ask you, talk to you about.<p>

With Bella suddenly leaving, I feel like my grasp on everyone and everything is lessening. And I want answers.

"If you love Bella and you didn't want to lose her, why?"

"Why what? Fuck you?"

I cringe a little at how harsh you are, but I know that's all it was.

"Honestly? I don't know. We weren't fighting. We were happy. We had plans. I wanted to marry her."

"And?"

I need you to give me a definitive reason.

"And nothing. I made a mistake. I fucked up. And I continued to fuck up."

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you. :)<strong>

**More tomorrow. **


	173. Chapter 173

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>He brings his knees up, places his elbows on them, and puts his head in his hands.<p>

"I know you want a reason. Fuck, _I_ want a reason. A reason would make things easier. A reason can be fixed. But I don't have one. I can't give you one."

He turns to look at me, but all I can do is look at the road beneath me.

"I made a mistake. I can't take it back, and I can't explain it. I wish I could. But it happened, and I didn't stop it. I could've, but I didn't. And I hated what I was doing, so I took my fuck-ups out on you."


	174. Chapter 174

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>"I know I did a lot of shitty things over the past year, Angela. I don't," he clears his throat, "know how exactly to make any of this right again with Bella. But I do know that I owe <em>you<em> an apology."

My heart pounds.

My ears ring.

My eyes water.

"I knew what I was doing was wrong, that I was going to lose Bella because of it. And I took that out on you. I treated you like shit. I made you the punching bag in all of this, because I couldn't deal."

He takes a deep breath.

"I'm sorry."


	175. Chapter 175

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>"All I ever wanted to do was love her and make her happy. I was never <em>this<em> guy. I was never this... asshole."

And you're right.

You never were.

And that's my fault.

"I'm sorry."

You turn to look at me with confusion on your face.

"I let what I felt for you take priority over my friendship and your relationship with Bella. I should never have let it get this far. I shouldn't have started it in the first place. If I hadn't," I look down and wring my hands together, "Bella _would_ be happy. She'd still be here."


	176. Chapter 176

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>"I never wanted any of this to happen."<p>

And the tears start up again.

"I wasn't thinking. I just… I wanted you to notice me so badly, and when you finally did, it was in the backseat of your car when you're in love with my best friend."

I look away and clear my throat, do my best to stop crying.

I have to stop thinking of myself as a victim, because I'm not.

I'm a big girl.

I did this on my own, to myself.

You may have played along, but Bella's the one who got thrown into it without even knowing.

She's the victim.

And she deserves more than my tears.


	177. Chapter 177

**Thanks be to EBT.**

* * *

><p>It's quiet for a few minutes. Only a couple of cars drive by while we're sitting there, but they're enough of a distraction until I'm able to get myself together.<p>

"So, what now?" I ask.

It's a silly question, though, because there's so much that needs to be said and done. You and I haven't _really_ gotten to the bottom of things, but Bella's leaving was a catalyst.

It's also too much to take in today.

"I don't know," you sigh. "I thought about going after her and making this grand gesture of it all. Sleeping outside of wherever it is she's staying at now, begging for forgiveness. I just want to talk to her. I just want to tell her I'm sorry and know she believes I'm telling her the truth when I say it. But I can't."


	178. Chapter 178

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* * *

><p>"She did what she needed to for herself, and I have to let her do that. I have to respect that she needs space, no matter how much I want... You know how Bella is. You can't force her to do something."<p>

I nod automatically.

"You could show up there tonight, tomorrow, or next week, and she'd slam the door in your face."

Without thinking about it, I smile at the memory going through my head.

"You remember that time Mike tried forcing her to be his partner in History?"

"Yeah," you chuckle. "He didn't leave her alone for two days, and she stuffed him in his locker."

We laugh a little before it drifts off.

"I sometimes forget how tough she can be," you say.

You rub your eye a little, and that's when it dawns on me.

"_Bella_'s the one who punched you?"


	179. Chapter 179

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>"Yeah," you say as you touch your eye. "I was being an asshole. I've <em>been<em> an asshole. I deserved it."

I know I should be surprised, but I'm not. Bella's tough. She always has been.

I hope she always will be.

"She should've beat the shit out of me, to be honest."

"You realize she let us off the hook, right?" I ask.

"What do you mean?"

"Nobody knows what we did. Charlie has no idea why she left. If anybody else knew, we would've heard about it by now. She didn't say anything to anybody," I whisper. "She's better than the both of us, and we don't deserve it."


	180. Chapter 180

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><p>"Angela, Ben keeps calling your cell phone."<p>

I'm thankful for the interruption.

My dad smiles despite the look of concern on his face, so I smile back to let him know everything's okay.

Even though it's not.

We stand and dust ourselves off.

"So, things with Ben are okay?" you ask.

I'm immediately on the defense.

"They're fine."

"That's… great."

"Don't start, Edward. He's being my friend even when he shouldn't, and you don't have the right—"

"I didn't mean it like that," you interrupt. "Just... Nevermind."

I want to ask but don't.

"I should…" I say, nodding my head toward my house.

"Me, too."

I'm halfway to my front door when I hear you speak.

"Bye, Angela."

"Goodbye, Edward."


	181. Chapter 181

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><p>The next day, I wake to numerous texts and missed calls.<p>

Alice.

Rosalie.

Even Emmett.

They all want to know what happened to Bella, why she just up and left.

I debate whether I should tell them the truth.

It's partly selfish, because I don't want to be treated like shit even though I deserve to be.

But Bella could've told them everything, told them the truth.

She didn't, though.

I don't know why.

And for the sake of not wanting to humiliate her again, I say nothing.

If she decides to keep this to herself, to never say anything, I don't want them to remember her as the girl who was betrayed by her best friend.

Who was cheated on.

Bella's time in Forks was much more than that.

_She's_ much more than that.

And I've already done enough damage.


	182. Chapter 182

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><p>The summer passes quickly.<p>

I have my good days and my bad.

But I feel like I'm not allowed to have either.

Good days are reserved for those who deserve them.

I deserve the worst.

But Ben's here.

He's by my side, telling me I'm not horrible, that I'm human and am allowed to mistakes.

That this is what growing up is.

And that I'll only belittle Bella even more if I don't learn from it all.

And as I'm loading my carry-on into Ben's car to head to the Seattle airport, I know that there are things I need to say.

So, I write them down.

And I stop by Bella's house before I leave town for college.


	183. Chapter 183

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><p>After a tearful goodbye with my parents, Ben and I drive to Bella's.<p>

I haven't been here since the day I confessed, and it makes me hurt to know she's already been gone for months.

"Hi, Chief," I say, smiling when he opens the door.

"Hi, Angela."

He looks over my shoulder, sees Ben, and waves.

We make small talk about his work, my parents.

"Um, I was wondering if you could give Bella this for me."

I nervously hand him the letter I wrote.

There's a silent acknowledgement between the two of us that I'm not supposed to have her contact information.

"I'll make sure she gets it," he nods.

And then we're quiet.

I notice Charlie doesn't look as happy as he used to.

And I know that's my fault.

"Chief, I have to tell you something."


	184. Chapter 184

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><p>Charlie's an innocent bystander of the clusterfuck I created, and it's not fair.<p>

It's not fair he feels as though he may have done something to cause Bella's sudden departure.

"Bella left because of me."

He looks confused.

"I did something… horrible. It was beyond horrible. I hurt her and betrayed her trust. That's why she left Forks."

I look down and hold in my tears.

"I don't want you to think that you did anything wrong. It was all me, and I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

I don't know what else to say, so I start to leave.

But before I do…

"You mean the world to her. She always said that you were the best part of her moving here. She loves you very much. I'm sorry I made you doubt that."

I smile the best I can and head back to the car.


	185. Chapter 185

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><p>I haven't seen you but once this summer, and you didn't notice I was there. So, it's not surprising I have words for you, too.<p>

Ben drives me to your house, but I simply slip my letter into your mailbox and leave.

I don't know what I feel for you, but I know now that it's not love.

Not anymore.

If it ever was.

My parents, your parents, Jasper and Alice, Rosalie and Emmett, Charlie, Ben.

When I look at them, I know what loving another person is supposed to be about.

So, I know that the destructive aftermath of you and I isn't the result of love.

And that's another burden I have to carry.


	186. Chapter 186

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>The drive to Seattle's long but full of conversation about the future.<p>

Emmett and Rosalie are off to UCLA. Emmett earned a football scholarship, and Rosalie's diving head first into her dream of becoming an engineer.

Jasper's father fell ill over the summer, so he put off going to Washington State. He's attending community college in Port Angeles in the meantime. Since Alice still has two more years of high school, she's happy he's not moving away, though she wishes it were under different circumstances.

She tells me you're still going to Dartmouth.

I'm assuming Bella's still at Brown.

Ben's nervous about Georgetown, but I know he's going to be fine.

I just know it.

I'm terrified of going to NYU, of being in New York by myself.

But maybe this is exactly what I need.


	187. Chapter 187

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>"I'm only a few hours away. If you need to talk, call me. If you need to see me, we'll work something out."<p>

"Okay," I nod, watching the people in the airport shuffle by us.

His plane's boarding, but mine doesn't leave for another two hours.

And I'm already terrified of doing this – being out of Forks, going to school, going to New York – all by myself.

And I really miss Bella.

"You can do this," he says.

It's as if he can read my mind.

He takes my hand and squeezes it.

"I know you can do this. And don't forget to call me when you find out about seeing a doctor."


	188. Chapter 188

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>Over the summer, I had the idea of going to see a therapist.<p>

While Ben's a great friend and help, I think talking to a professional is necessary.

I need to sort myself out, figure out why...

I looked into it, and NYU offers free counseling sessions for its students.

And I'm going to do it.

Because I owe it to Bella, to myself.

I need help.

And I'm going to need more help once school starts.

If I'm going to be the person I want to be – someone my parents, Ben, and I – can be proud of, I know that this is the right path.

I want to be the Angela that Bella befriended, trusted.

I want to be me again.

Angie.


	189. Chapter 189

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>"I will. I promise."<p>

A final boarding call is made for Ben's flight, and I know this is when I have to say goodbye.

"You should go. I don't want you to miss your flight."

_Don't cry. Don't cry._

"Yeah."

He looks down and tightens his grip on his duffel.

Then he drops it and pulls me into a hug.

"Take care of yourself, okay?"

"You, too," I sniffle.

There's so much I want to tell him.

"Thank you," I whisper. "Thanks for not giving up on me."

He hugs me a little tighter before he pulls back.

And then I see it.

That nervous face he had on prom night.

The one right before he kissed me.


	190. Chapter 190

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>I feel his hand move from around my shoulder to my face, and I freeze.<p>

Just like on prom night, every reason why I shouldn't kiss him runs through my mind.

We've both recognized and admitted it's not the right time.

I'm not in any place to start something romantic.

I have to work out my issues first.

Even still, Ben's been there.

I've gotten to know him, learn who he really is, what he's about.

He's… amazing.

And I want to kiss him.

I _really_ do.

My issues make me hesitant, but I know that what I have with Ben, what I may have later on with him, is different from what I felt for you, what I had with you.

So, I push through my fear.


	191. Chapter 191

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>It's soft and slow, his top lip between both of mine.<p>

There's give and take, push and pull, as our lips start to move.

He holds me to him, his hands on my face, and I lose myself.

I lose myself in his touch, in his kiss, in him.

And what could be.

The kiss slows, and we pull apart.

And he smiles.

That _feeling_ roars to life again, dousing my worries for just a moment.

And that feeling makes _me_ smile.

Because it's full of hope. Ben gives me hope. I want to _have_ hope.

"Text me when you land," he says.

I nod and let him go.

And I cry as I watch him disappear into the jetway.


	192. Chapter 192

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p><em><strong>8 years later<strong>_

"Angela? Angela!"

"I'm in here!" I yell. "You're home early."

"Early?" he pops his head in. "It's after nine."

"What?"

I look at the clock, and my eyes widen.

"Shit. I lost track of time," I say, gesturing to the books in front of me.

"I figured," he laughs. "Pizza or Chinese?"

"It was my turn to make dinner and forgot, so it's your call."

He smiles and walks over, pulling me out of my seat.

"Take a break and go through the take-out menus with me."

We're playfully arguing over what to order when my cell phone rings.

"Get that for me, babe?" I ask as I walk into our bedroom.

Seconds later, he comes in and seems confused, shocked.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

He hands me my phone.

"It's Bella."


	193. Chapter 193

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><p>The clouds look different from up here. I haven't stopped staring at them since we took off.<p>

"Do you want anything?"

I turn to see the concern on his face, the love.

"I'm okay."

I lean over and kiss him.

I take his hand in mine and give it a squeeze.

_I love you, Ben._

We don't land for another four hours, so I decide to take a nap.

But I can't sleep.

The only thing going back to Forks allows me to do is remember.


	194. Chapter 194

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><p>Karma.<p>

It's also known as my freshman year of college.

Everything went wrong.

I almost flunked out.

I couldn't keep up with my classes.

I didn't have a free hour during the day, so I wasn't able to book any sessions with a counselor during regular hours.

I didn't make any friends.

Ben and I barely spoke, because he was so busy.

I cried all the time.

And I missed Bella so, _so_ much.

Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's at home were awkward.

My parents could tell there was something wrong, but I didn't say anything when they asked.

I was depressed and didn't care about anything.

Karma.


	195. Chapter 195

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>Ben showed up unexpectedly in the middle of January that year.<p>

He said he had a bad feeling when I didn't return his calls or emails.

When I told him what was going on, he stayed a couple of days.

He arranged for a counselor to see me after my classes.

He took me for a walk through Central Park.

He talked to me about Georgetown.

He told me bad jokes.

He got me to smile.

He sat with me while I called my parents and told them I needed to see a counselor.

He helped me get back on my feet.


	196. Chapter 196

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><p>I felt worthless again.<p>

As grateful as I was – am – Ben helped me when I needed it the most, sitting with my counselor only reminded me that I wasn't able to do it on my own.

Getting the appointments or getting better.

But it's something I talked about with her.

I talked about _everything_ with her.

It took us months to start making headway, because I was almost determined to let everything I had done slowly kill me.

But the sessions were starting to work.

I was starting to sort myself out.

But I still had a long way to go.


	197. Chapter 197

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><p>One of the biggest things I had to deal with was the loss of contact with everyone.<p>

Especially Bella.

I had little to no information on her.

She'd changed her number.

She'd blocked me from her Facebook and Twitter accounts.

Edward never mentioned her on either of his.

The rest of the group would mention things in passing, but they weren't significant enough to let me know how or what she was doing.

It was so hard to go from being her person to being… nobody.

I had days when I wanted to wallow in that fact, and I had others in which I wanted to push through and get better.

But I eventually did end up on the other side.


	198. Chapter 198

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>It wasn't until the fall of my junior year that I was myself again.<p>

Even still, I continued my sessions. But that was for one reason and one reason only.

Ben.

He would make the trip to visit me at least once a month. He listened to me talk about anything and everything.

He never gave up on me.

_He_ volunteered to attend Saturday sessions with myself and my counselor twice a month to be with me.

Officially.

As my boyfriend.

And I was − and still am − ridiculously in love with him.

Which is how we're here, engaged and strong in each other.

Strong enough to face what's in Forks.


	199. Chapter 199

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><p>He knows how I'm feeling.<p>

He holds my hand as we collect our luggage from baggage claim.

He kisses my temple as we get our rental car.

And he tries to rap to Lil Wayne songs to make me laugh on the drive from Seattle.

But the feelings resume once we hit Forks.

We come back to visit our parents every once in a while, but they're not as often as they should be.

And Forks seems different now.

It's incredibly somber as we pull up to the Cullens' home.

And it breaks my heart when Jasper answers the door, his eyes red, looking heartbroken and exhausted.


	200. Chapter 200

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

My heart drops.

And Bella's phone call becomes _real_.

Jasper steps onto the porch, closes the door behind him, and hugs us both.

He's shaking.

"J-Jasper?"

My voice is already breaking.

"He was in a deli when two guys walked in with guns. The cops say he put himself between the robbers and a pregnant woman. Then the cashier pulled a shotgun, and the robbers started shooting."

He pauses.

"They just started shooting at everything."

Another pause.

"The pregnant woman's fine."

Jasper starts to cry.

"But he was shot twice."

I hold my breath.

"And he died. Edward died."


	201. Chapter 201

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><p>I know Jasper's still talking, because I can see his lips moving.<p>

But I hear nothing.

I feel… I don't know what I feel.

Because he's dead.

Edward's dead.

Edward Cullen.

Is dead.

The words don't register.

They don't _belong_ together.

Even though Bella had told me over the phone, it wasn't real, wasn't tangible, until just now.

You don't expect things like this to happen to the people you know.

Just to those on the news.

But now…

Edward _is_ the news.

And it doesn't make sense.

"Everything's just wrong," I hear Jasper say.

He starts to cry again.

"The family's falling apart."


	202. Chapter 202

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><p>"Esme had a breakdown earlier today. She was hysterical and screaming and crying. Carlisle had to sedate her."<p>

My body starts to shake.

"And Alice..."

Jasper starts to openly sob.

Ben puts his hand on his shoulder and guides him to one of the porch chairs.

After he's calmed down a bit, Jasper continues.

"She just… stopped functioning when we found out. She sat on the couch and stared at nothing. Then someone mentioned 'the body,' and she lost it. We couldn't get her to calm down, and she started having contractions. Her pregnancy hasn't been easy, and it scared Carlisle enough to admit her to the hospital."


	203. Chapter 203

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>Ben and I give Jasper a few minutes to collect himself before we head inside.<p>

"Rosalie sent the extended family to their hotels to rest. She and Emmett have been taking care of Esme since. Their kids are with my parents."

Emmett appears at the top of the stairs.

He looks exhausted.

We say hi, which sounds ridiculous given the circumstances, and hug.

"I'm heading back to the hospital. Alice kicked me out, told me to get some rest, but…"

"May I see her?" I ask.

Jasper smiles and nods.

Ben immediately tells Emmett to get Rosalie and go home, that he'll watch Esme until Jasper and I get back.

Emmett nods, looking as if he's about to cry himself, and heads upstairs.

I kiss Ben before Jasper and I leave.


	204. Chapter 204

**Thanks be to Ms EBT.**

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><p>Jasper and I don't say much to one another on the drive to the hospital.<p>

He looks exhausted, the past few days being chaotic for him.

I don't want to ruin what must be a rare moment of quiet for him with the questions I have.

Once we arrive at the hospital, though, Jasper actually starts making small talk.

How I've been.

What Ben's been up to.

How Washington D.C.'s treating us.

I smile and answer his questions, knowing he's probably grateful to not speak about Edward for a moment.

I'm in the middle of an answer about my graduate degree program when we arrive at Alice's room.

Sitting next to her and holding her hand is Bella.


	205. Chapter 205

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><p>The last time I saw Bella, she was throwing me out of her house.<p>

Now…

She looks exactly the same… and yet she looks different.

"Hey, baby," Jasper says as he walks to Alice.

Bella looks up and smiles at Jasper.

Then she sees me.

She keeps her eyes on me for a few moments.

"I should get going," she says to Jasper.

She gathers her things and tells Alice she'll be by in the morning.

I hold my breath as she walks toward me, toward the door.

And then everything around me stops as she slows her steps.

"Hi, Angela."

"H-hi, Bella."

She gives me a small smile.

And then walks out.


	206. Chapter 206

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>Jasper and I sit with Alice for an hour or so before he gets up to get her some water.<p>

"It's good to see you," Alice says.

"I wish it were under different circumstances."

She tries to smile but can't.

"I'm really sorry about Edward, Allie."

She cries a little and wipes her cheeks.

"He'll never know…" she says, letting her thought drift off as she touches her stomach.

I don't know what to say, so I simply hold her hand.

She clears her throat after a while.

"It's good to see you and Bella together again."

"Oh," I say, looking down.

"I didn't know if you would show up after everything that had happened."


	207. Chapter 207

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><p>My heart pounds, and my ears get hot.<p>

I take my time but manage to look at her.

"You know about that?"

She squeezes my hand.

"No."

And now I'm confused.

"I just know _something_ happened. Edward…"

She starts to cry but calms herself.

"Edward never said anything, but I could tell. She just left and didn't really keep in contact with anybody at first. I figured something pretty big must've happened for you two to stop speaking to each other. You were so close… like sisters."

"I did a pretty messed up thing. She had every right to cut me out of her life."

"Leave it to my big brother to bring you back together, huh?" she says as she cries.


	208. Chapter 208

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><p>Carlisle comes by to check Alice's vitals. He's not supposed to, but I think the staff's giving him a break under the circumstances.<p>

He says she'll be able to leave in the morning.

After making sure someone's at the house with Esme, Ben picks me up.

It's late, and we don't want to wake our parents, so we check into a motel.

I tell him about what Alice said, about Bella.

And I have trouble sleeping all night.

The next morning, we head over to visit my parents.

Dad tells me Esme asked him to preside over Edward's funeral.

We leave, head to see Ben's parents, and are only there for an hour when Esme calls me.

"Honey, I need to see you and Bella sometime today."


	209. Chapter 209

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><p>Mom grills me about a wedding date for an hour before Ben distracts her, allowing me to leave for the Cullens'.<p>

Esme answers the door, sad eyes and exhausted.

"I haven't been able to bring myself to go into his room," she begins as we go up the stairs. "I'm not sure what exactly he has in there, but Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmett put some things in a box."

We stop outside Edward's bedroom door.

"He never found a group of friends after high school like he has with you all. I think he'd like it if… if you had some of his things."

This completely throws me off, but I'm not about to deny a grieving Esme anything she asks of me.

She opens the door to his room, and I freeze.

Again, Bella's presence surprises me.


	210. Chapter 210

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><p>Bella's sitting on his bed, going through some of the items in a box.<p>

She looks up and sees me, though her features remain composed.

Esme stops in the doorway, fidgets, and asks us if we need anything before walking away.

I'm unbelievably nervous and uncomfortable, yet I know it must be worse for Bella.

I walk slowly to the opposite side of the bed and peer into the box.

Books, CDs, DVDs, and other things are visible.

I take a peek at Bella, and she's staring at a hoodie she's holding, one he used to wear all the time.

I want to give her space, but Esme's request prevents me from simply leaving, so I take a stack of books and move to the opposite side of the room.

Just as I'm about to flip through the titles, Bella starts laughing.


	211. Chapter 211

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><p>Her laugh is loud enough that it startles me, and I drop the books I'm holding.<p>

I look over, and she's trying to hold it in.

But she's crying, as well.

Suddenly, she gets up and walks over to me.

"Do you remember this?"

I stare at her for a minute, amazed she's even speaking to me, before I glance at what she's handed me.

It's a framed photograph of Edward, Bella, Charlie, and I dressed up as Alvin & The Chipmunks.

It was her first Halloween here, and Edward and I wanted to make it fun for her.

Charlie fought us, but he lightened up when he saw how happy she was.

He was David, I was Simon, Edward was Alvin, and she was Theodore.

It's one of the happiest memories I have.


	212. Chapter 212

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><p>We stare at the picture for a while.<p>

I want to ask her why she's being nice to me, why she's speaking to me. While therapy brought me back to myself, _I'm_ not past what I put Bella through.

I don't see how she can be, either.

But I stay quiet, because this moment isn't about me.

It's then I notice liquid hitting the framed picture.

Bella's tears.

She's really crying.

I want to hug her, hold her, tell her I'm here for her.

But I don't think she'd want that from me.

"He came after me. Freshman year," she says through sobs. "Did you know that?"


	213. Chapter 213

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>"A summer of nothing, and then he suddenly showed up at my dorm a week before classes started freshman year."<p>

She continues to sob.

"I didn't pay attention to him, but he didn't go anywhere. He just… camped outside my dorm. He had a tent and everything," she laughs. "My RA took pity on him and let him in to shower and use the bathroom."

She stares at the photo of us, and I feel compelled to give it back to her.

She grips the frame, her hands shaking, but her crying quiets, though it doesn't slow.

"And at the end of the week, he went back to school. But he showed up the next weekend. And the next. He came back every weekend that year."


	214. Chapter 214

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>"Sophomore year, he only came up once a month. Junior year, it was once a quarter. For senior year, he only came once a semester."<p>

I know this is more for her, to say what she needs to and get it off her chest, so I stay quiet.

"I never spoke to him, not even when it was snowing and freezing and he refused to move from that stupid tent. I felt bad enough that I brought him hot food, but I was just so… _pissed_ at him, at everything. I couldn't– I couldn't even bring myself to talk to him."

She starts crying again.

"But no matter how much I hated him, I hated you more."


	215. Chapter 215

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>I flinch.<p>

It's as if she's slapped me.

I know this. I know all of this, but it still hurts to hear her say it out loud.

"I _hated_ you so much," she sobs. "I spent years hating you, and– and…"

Her entire body is shaking.

"Do you know what it's like to really hate someone?"

She turns to look at me.

"Every time I saw that tent, I hated you even more. I hated you with everything I had to the point that it consumed me."

I can't take her looking at me anymore and stare at my shoes.

"And that's not even the worst part about it."


	216. Chapter 216

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>"I started to hate <em>myself<em>, because I still loved you."

I'm shocked.

I'm hurt.

I'm relieved.

"You were my best friend, like a sister. You were the one person I could count on. Edward− Guys come and go, but... But you were supposed to be there. For everything. And you ruined that."

I'm briefly taken back to the day I confessed. Her words are the same, her emotion's the same, but this hurts so much more, because it's now.

"It took me a while before I could bring myself to make friends, and even then, I couldn't let anybody in enough to be close to them."

I'm crying so hard I can hardly breathe. It's so much that I almost don't hear her next words.

"But I don't hate you anymore. And that's because of Edward."


	217. Chapter 217

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>There's a minute she takes to compose herself.<p>

Her sobs quiet, and her body stops shaking.

She clears her throat.

"When I left, I stopped talking to everybody. It wasn't until the middle of sophomore year that I was back to talking to Rose and Alice. I guess that's how Edward got my number, because he called me out of the blue a few years ago. He was in Providence and asked if I would meet him for coffee. I don't really know why, but I did."

She smiles, laughs softly.

"We kind of just… talked for a few hours. It was strange at first, but then he called again and again. Until it wasn't."


	218. Chapter 218

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>"Somewhere along the line, we became friends again."<p>

Now she's smiling happily, fully.

"It was really nice. I knew, though, that was all we'd ever be. There was no way a relationship with Edward could happen again, but it was just nice to have him in my life again."

She takes a deep breath and sits back, bringing her knees up and resting her chin on them.

"One day, he was back in Providence. We were having lunch when he just said it. 'I'm sorry.'"

My eyes get wide.

"He'd never apologized for what happened with you. And it wasn't necessarily what he said but how he said it. That's when it hit me that Edward was being sincere. He'd grown up."


	219. Chapter 219

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>"And Edward and I were finally okay."<p>

She turns her head to look at me.

"He brought you up. Asked if you and I had ever talked, worked things out. I guess he could tell from my face we hadn't. He sighed and put his drink down on the table. 'B, I know shit was different with Angela than it is with you and me, but I think you should give her another chance. We were young and made a huge fucking mistake, but we're not those people anymore.' He reminded me that you were the one who finally came clean, that you had already given your sincere apology. He reminded me how important you and I were to each other, that we would probably need each other again someday."


	220. Chapter 220

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>"He what?"<p>

The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them.

"He didn't bring you up all the time, but when he did, he made it obvious he thought it'd be nice if I forgave you. And he was right. I could spend the rest of my life hating you, but I don't want to. I don't wanna have that hate in me. Plus, as much as you hurt me, _my_ Angie isn't the same Angela who hurt me."

_Is she saying what I think she's saying?_

"You and I will never be what we were. Ever. You burned that bridge, but… I miss you sometimes. I still have moments where I immediately want to call you about something, good or bad. It's a part of me, and Edward knew that."


	221. Chapter 221

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT and Wench Tkegl.**

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><p>Everything she said astounds me, and I'm once again speechless.<p>

Until the need to repeat myself is too much.

"Bella, I'm _so_ sorry about—"

"I know, Angela. I know."

She gives me a small smile before she gets up.

"We should probably get downstairs," she says, grabbing the framed photo.

Just as we're gathering our things, there's a knock on the door.

"Hey," Jasper says as he peeks into the room. "Sorry to interrupt."

He steps in.

"Angela, Ben's been here. You better save him. Alice is interrogating him about how he proposed."

"She's back?" I smile, laughing a little.

He laughs, too, until his smile falls a bit.

"And Kate's here," he says.

"Kate?" I ask.

"Edward's girlfriend," Bella responds.


	222. Chapter 222

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>Kate's sweet, very pretty, and obviously nervous.<p>

She'd only been dating Edward for a couple of months when he…

Bella introduces herself, and Kate's face lights up.

"It's nice to finally meet you," she says as she shakes Bella's hand.

"You, too."

It's not difficult to deduce that Edward had spoken to each of them about the other.

But there's no awkwardness involved.

And I know Bella really has moved on.

Alice starts whining that her time in the hospital kept her from pigging out, so we decide to go out to eat.

And we invite Kate along.


	223. Chapter 223

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>While Alice downs a milkshake, we find out that Kate met Edward at the grocery store. She forgot her wallet in her car, so Edward, who was behind her in line, paid for her groceries without missing a beat.<p>

He asked her out before they even had her bags loaded in the car.

She smiles and blushes as she tells the story, and we can tell she was smitten.

We also find out that she had to be the one to identify him, that she wasn't able to fly here with his body, and it's taken its toll on her.

It's taken its toll on us all in different ways.


	224. Chapter 224

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>I'm emotionally and mentally exhausted when I wake the next day. But I don't complain. It'd be selfish to complain.<p>

Ben and I get ready, have breakfast with our parents, and then make our way to the funeral home.

Because Edward's body is in a casket.

For people to view.

And mourn.

It's… bizarre.

But Ben and I ready ourselves. We find strength in each other to be strong for our friends, for Kate, for Bella, and for Esme, Carlisle, and Alice.

I know today won't be easy for anybody.


	225. Chapter 225

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>The funeral home is half Cullen family, half high school reunion.<p>

I stay in my seat with Ben and watch as people take turns going up to the casket.

I haven't done it, yet.

I don't know if I can.

Seeing him lying there would make it all too real.

I tense when I see Bella approach the casket.

She stands, stares, and stills.

Then I see her lips moving.

And her crying.

Her hands grip the edge of the casket, and her body shakes.

Immediately, I'm out of my seat and headed to her.

I get to her as soon as I hear her say, "I'm sorry, Edward."


	226. Chapter 226

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>"Come on, B," I whisper as I put my hands on her arms.<p>

She sinks a little into me, but her feet don't move.

I give her a few moments and take this time to notice Edward.

To notice him in a casket.

A casket he'll be buried in.

He's still handsome, still Edward.

But it's not him.

And as I wait for Bella to say her final goodbyes, I close my eyes, whisper a prayer, and say mine.

_I wish you had more time on this earth, to make more people happy. But I promise you we won't forget you or let others forget you. Because you were a good man, and you meant a lot to us, to your family._

_We'll miss you._


	227. Chapter 227

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>I grab the keys from Ben and take Bella away from the funeral home.<p>

She's quiet as I drive around. I finally decide to stop at a restaurant for lunch.

Maybe food will help her.

And I'm right.

She doesn't say much at first, but we end up talking about what we've been up to since high school.

It shocks me to know that she knows a lot about me.

I ask about her, and she tells me about Brown, being a copy editor in Chicago, and Charlie.

She mentions she doesn't date much, and my insides churn.

"Is− Is that my fault? What Edward and I did?"


	228. Chapter 228

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>"Honestly? Yes."<p>

I feel like throwing up.

"I couldn't understand how two of the people I trusted the most could hurt me that way. I was on the defense with everyone, not just guys. I needed closure and a lot of time. So, when Edward came back into my life, I was able to put it behind me."

She smiles.

"I had a fuck buddy in college to de-stress, a few one night stands, and this thing with a co-worker at my first job that turned into a disaster. But they were before the closure."

I'm stunned.

"I just started dating this guy, though."

She smiles sweetly and blushes.

"He's pretty great. Sweet, honest. _So_ hot," she laughs. "And he makes me feel like I'm everything."


	229. Chapter 229

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>Bella and I only speak a few more minutes before Ben calls with a crazed Charlie in the background. He's ready to put out an APB on Bella after he arrived at the funeral home late and found out what happened.<p>

Charlie comes running out of the house the moment we pull into his driveway. He's frantic as he looks her over.

She hugs him, calms him down.

Ben walks out of the house, to me, and puts his arm around me.

"I love you," he whispers.

"Angela?"

Charlie walks to me.

"Thank you."

As he hugs me, I see Bella smile.


	230. Chapter 230

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>The next morning, Ben and I wake, get ready, and drive in silence. We both feel physically ill, more so as we get closer to the church.<p>

It fills quickly as Dad makes last minute adjustments.

Esme, Carlisle, Alice, and Jasper are in the front row, directly in view of the open casket.

Dad begins with a _Bible_ passage, words of comfort, God's mysterious plan.

He tells the story of when our house flooded freshman year, and Edward came over with a pre-made Esme dinner. An hour later, he returned with half the baseball team to help us clean.

He moves from the podium, and I see a crying, pregnant woman rise from her seat and take his place.

"My name's Victoria Hunter, and I'm alive because Edward Cullen isn't."


	231. Chapter 231

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>"I didn't know him. Before that night, I'd never seen him before. He was a complete stranger, and he gave his life for mine. My baby… My baby's safe, because he−"<p>

She's sobbing.

Dad gets up from his seat, walks to her. He says something only she can hear, and she starts to calm. She nods, and he steps back.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, I may not have known your son, but there's no doubt in my mind you raised a good man. He put the life of two strangers before his own. Your son is a hero. He's _my_ hero. My baby will grow up knowing about the good in this world and about Edward _because_ of Edward."


	232. Chapter 232

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>I can't stop crying or shaking.<p>

I can't even imagine how Esme, Carlisle, and Alice must be.

I see Bella a few rows ahead, but her head's bowed.

You can hear people in the church crying as Victoria walks down the steps and over to Carlisle and Esme.

"I'm so sorry," she says, crying.

She takes Carlisle's hand to shake and breaks down sobbing.

Immediately, Esme's out of her seat and brings her in for a hug, shushing Victoria and stroking her hair.

Alice reaches up and touches her elbow, then pulls her to sit down as Esme comforts her.

Dad continues the service with a shake in his voice.


	233. Chapter 233

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>Ben's been quiet since we left the church.<p>

It's not until we're parked at the cemetery that he says something.

"Marry me."

I'm confused, because we're already engaged.

"Let's pick a date. Let's make it soon."

"Hey," I say, cupping his face. "What's wrong?"

"Edward's gone. Just like that. He hadn't really lived, yet. No wife, no kids. Every time I think about that, it scares me. Because I love you _so_ much that it hurts. I can't think about not being with you for the rest of my life. I wanna marry you, have kids that look like you. So, let's not wait anymore."

_How did I get so lucky?_

I lean over and kiss him.

"Okay," I smile.


	234. Chapter 234

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>The pallbearers place Edward's casket in front of us.<p>

Esme, Carlisle, and Alice stare at it from their seats.

And I instantly want to cry at the thought of Esme and Carlisle having to see their son that way.

At Alice burying her brother before he's even known his niece or nephew.

The large crowd surrounds the area Edward will be laid to rest.

Again, my dad holds his _Bible_, speaks of a life cut short and of a good man.

When he's done, workers come in and begin to lower the casket.

And that's when I see Esme, the epitome of class and love, hit rock bottom before my very eyes.


	235. Chapter 235

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>"No. No no no! No, Edward! Edward! Carlisle, make them stop!"<p>

She's suddenly out of her seat and kneeling on the green felt surrounding the six-foot hole, grabbing at the casket.

"Not my baby! No! Carlisle!"

She's screaming now.

Carlisle's frozen in his seat, breaking down himself.

One of Esme's brothers and Jasper go to her, help her to her feet, but she's fighting them.

"Not my baby. Please. Please, no," she sobs.

Jasper manages to walk her away from the area, looking back first to check on Alice. She's hysterical in her seat, doing her best to try and comfort her father.


	236. Chapter 236

**Thanks be to Ms. EBT.**

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><p>Dad recites a quick prayer before he excuses himself and goes in the direction of where Jasper took Esme.<p>

Carlisle gets up and walks in the opposite direction. Rosalie immediately takes his seat and holds Alice's hand.

"I'm gonna go help Jasper and Dad. You okay?" Ben whispers.

I can't speak, my words stuck in my throat, so I nod, and Ben kisses my cheek.

"I love you, Ang."

I can hear people openly crying, especially Bella next to me. I don't look up, though, because my eyes are fixed on the casket.

The workers resume their kneeling positions and begin to crank the levers.

And as I watch Edward Cullen's body lower into the ground, Bella, ever so slowly, takes my hand in hers.


	237. Outtakes

For those who don't have _The War Is Over Alternate POVs and Outtakes_ alerted or favorited, I wrote two outtakes for _TWIO_. The first is Edward's POV of the night of the shooting, and the second is Edward's POV after his death. This outtake gives you some more info about the other characters and ties up loose ends.

I hope you enjoy. :)


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